Mike Cotayo Comedy to Psycho-Therapy Interesting Interview Show #172

The is an interesting interview with  New York comic Mike Cotayo, who was hurt at 18 months old with a traumatic brain injury, which led to both mental and physical disabilities. He went on to try standup comedy, with success I should add, and then went back to school and became a psychotherapist. A challenged life's journey through drugs, HIV, physical limitations,  and mental disabilities; he is now a successful motivational speaker in order to help others through humor. 
A very unique story!

Hosted by: R. Scott Edwards

Transcript

Announcer: 0:04

This is another episode of stand up comedy, your host and emcee, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business, stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and MC, Scott and words.

Scott Edwards: 0:22

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the podcast, we have another great show for you a terrific interview with a talented young comic. He has started off with some real challenges in life, but he turned that into professional comedy. And he's a very successful motivational speaker. Please welcome to the show, Mike Corteo. Mike, welcome to the show. It's so great to be able to get a chance to chat with you. I've done a little research and I know that you've had a very interesting life. How are you doing today?

Mike Catayo: 0:58

I'm good. Thank you so much for having me on. You know, I love that you called the young because I'm in my mid 40s now and my body doesn't feel so young anymore.

Scott Edwards: 1:10

Well, trust me, for an old man like me, mid 40s is pretty good. So you've been doing some stand up comedy? When did you start doing that?

Unknown: 1:17

I wouldn't say You know, I just, I just was thinking about this. I stepped on stage first when I was 19 in 1995. And then did it as a hobby for a few years. And in 2002, I was diagnosed with HIV and I quit my job and started pursuing stand up like a like a job. Within three years, I was headlining and so I I'd love stand up and then I quit in 2007 and went back to be a therapist.

Scott Edwards: 1:54

Well, what an interesting, start, middle and finish, we should probably explain to the audience that you've had a little bit of unique life that at a very young age, you dealt with traumatic brain injury, and is given you some aspects of your life that are more challenging. Maybe you can share with the audience a quick recap of your early life.

Mike Catayo: 2:20

Sure. So I I was in a car accident when I was 18 months old, a drunk driving accident. Who gives the toddler the keys right?

Scott Edwards: 2:34

Drunk 18 month old

Unknown: 2:40

daughter mentally but, but after the car accident, a car accident, I ended up in a coma for two weeks, and medically induced coma and they didn't think I would survive i i lost the ability to talk and walk, sorry. And then slowly regained everything, but it was a hard movement forward for everyone. I think my poor mother was only 24 years old. And so I can't imagine being that young and going through something like having a child or something like that.

Scott Edwards: 3:24

Yeah, I think any parent, the idea of having an injured or disabled child is is everybody's worst nightmare. And yet the parents that have challenged children are just st like they find that deep patience and love to help them their children of course, through these challenges, it's what a wild way to start your life.

Unknown: 3:52

Yeah. And you know, my parents were, they were great. They were no holds barred. They put my bedroom on the second floor. Like you're gonna have problems walking, you're gonna learn to negotiate those stairs.

Scott Edwards: 4:06

Wow, well, giving people with challenges, obstacles, helps them overcome them and helps them strengthen both physically and mentally right.

Unknown: 4:18

I guess I just thought they didn't want me to come down for dinner.

Scott Edwards: 4:24

Well, that might have been a motivation. Well, how does somebody turn a challenge like traumatic brain injury into comedy? What you said you were 19 You kind of gave it a shot Do you joke?

Unknown: 4:41

Oh God, I don't remember my first dose but I do remember I didn't pay attention when they put on the light and comedy. They call it blowing the light and oh, I blew the light like a hook. $3 hooker. Oh my god. There was blue light, and I go, Oh look a blue light special anyway, and I kept on talking.

Scott Edwards: 5:05

Oh, that's so good. Well, we should explain to the audiences a producer, all the comedy clubs have some sort of signal at the Comedy Store, they put a light on a painting. Most of the clubs like mine had a little red light or something. And it's to tell a comic, hey, you got less than five minutes get off the stage. And in the case, your case, it was a blue light, and you just made a joke and moved on.

Mike Catayo: 5:31

What else is like onesie?

Scott Edwards: 5:34

Oh, that's hilarious.

Unknown: 5:37

It was a lot of fun. And I was so lucky to try it. And then I thought I was pursuing it full time. But I really wasn't as getting up on stage once or twice a week, and then I would let everything else fall to the side. And then in 2002, I just, I was like, Alright, I'm really gonna do this. And I just, I did like 330 shows in one year, I just kept on performing. So within that year, I grew tremendously.

Scott Edwards: 6:11

Yeah. And that's a great advice to young people that if you want to get into this art form, seriously, you really have to commit and get the stage time. It's all about stage time, right, Mike?

Unknown: 6:22

Yeah, all that stage time in writing. Like, you gotta you gotta write every day, even if it's just a silly one liner, you got to keep that part of your brain assets.

Scott Edwards: 6:35

Right. And as a comic with some physical and mental challenges due to the brain injury. Obviously, you had to use that in your act, I'm assuming. Right? Right. And it gave you a foundation for writing comedy.

Mike Catayo: 6:53

Yeah. So it's funny us perform what may be did when I was seven years old, I realized, like, people really wanting to feel sorry for me, they, they really, like, that isn't people to feel sorry for someone who doesn't have it as good because it makes you feel better about yourself. And when I was seven, I realized that I also realized if I made them laugh, they had it. They didn't feel sorry for me, because I was funny. And so that was when I started to realize my sense of humor was my secret weapon.

Scott Edwards: 7:32

I think that's fascinating. And I think it's so true that when you, all of us, just as human beings have a certain level of empathy. And we see somebody that's gone through something like you, but there's other things through the military and through other illnesses and and childhood diseases. We want to feel sorry for him. It it's it's a natural human thing. But I think it's was interesting that early on, you realized that by turning it into humor, you were putting yourself on the same level as whoever you're with family, friends or an audience. And that makes you now appear. You're just like everybody else. And what you're doing is pointing out and kind of making fun of what's obvious anyway.

Unknown: 8:27

And then think empathy and sympathy are really different, like, empathy is I feel for you, it's sympathy is I feel bad for you. So like, those are two. That's how I look at it. Like, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. I appreciate it. If they feel for me if they think oh, God, that's gotta be tough. But like, Am I allowed to be dirty on here?

Scott Edwards: 8:54

Oh, yeah, I mean, it's a podcast you do you just be you.

Unknown: 8:58

To Hell, when am I early as gently as I'm, I'm disabled. And somebody was like, Oh, you have a critical challenge. Not only physical challenge and one physical challenge. My deck has never been like that. Well, one of my earliest jokes.

Scott Edwards: 9:17

Yeah, that sounds like early comedy material. But right you know, suck my dick can be something that would certainly get the attention of an audience.

Unknown: 9:27

It's not just for comedy who doesn't love

Scott Edwards: 9:33

has two points. Well, what's interesting is that you got into comedy in found your voice, your comedy voice and became a headliner. Who in the industry did look up to her. Do you get a chance to work with that inspire? Oh, my God.

Unknown: 9:48

I got I got a chance to work with so many great people. I was just today I was thinking about I. After I left, I left comedy for about a year. And I took a break and I would perform during that break, but I didn't do it as a job. I just did it to relieve stress to have fun. And I was lucky enough that a good friend of friend of mine asked me to shoot a web series where I would be Colin Quinn's wheelchair using socket. I got to work with Colin he's a great guy. It was so much fun. Jessica Kirson is one of my favorite all time comedians. And, you know, I love Robin Williams I Richard Pryor. I describe myself as a cross between Mitch Hedberg and Richard Pryor, when I go on stage. My energy is so high, but I'm kind of silly like head bird.

Scott Edwards: 10:52

Yeah, Mitch Hedberg worked for me several times. And he definitely had a unique style and a different way of approaching comedy. But certainly not somebody that would be horrible to emulate. He was very successful.

Mike Catayo: 11:10

He was, he was so simple and so funny at the same time.

Scott Edwards: 11:15

Well, you obviously had some successes, you did get a chance to do a pay for view comedy special called crossing the line. And then I heard that you were also awarded one of the top comedians, the Philadelphia pride Comedy Festival. Those are opportunities.

Unknown: 11:34

Yeah. And that was, like, even before I started stand up, presuming it as a job aid. I was lucky enough to win at the Apollo, which I was incredible for me.

Scott Edwards: 11:47

Yeah, that's, that's awesome. So you went from working with Colin Quinn to work in the Apollo to being a top comic at the Philadelphia pride Comedy Festival? It sounds like you had a decent little career going, Mike.

Unknown: 12:01

I did. It was a lot of fun. And, you know, mental health kinda ruins everything. When it like I was I just self sabotage my career, just because I didn't feel like I deserved anything. So like, I had this one time, I had a woman that the woman here spinning to produce, who was the comedy, Booker for the HBO Comedy Festival from me and asked me to send her my tape because she wanted to consider me for the festival. I was on cloud nine. And I never sent my tape. Because I was so afraid. What What if she didn't like it or nothing was good. And so I got frozen in fear. And that happened a lot for me and my career.

Scott Edwards: 12:58

You know, I'm glad you brought that up, Mike, because it is an issue that young comics or people that are interested in getting in the show business have and that is that there's they're so as you said, frozen in fear or just stage fright, whatever it is, they don't give themselves the opportunity to share who they are on stage and share some of their comedy. And it's kind of challenging and difficult to get through that. But it's the people that do that, I think when right because they do get that chance, win or lose. I mean, it's many, many people fail and that's fine. We learned so much when we failed. But if you don't even try, you don't get that opportunity.

Unknown: 13:44

Exactly. Until you never know, right.

Scott Edwards: 13:49

Well, I think being adding more challenges to your own career, as you said, kind of self deflating your possibilities. How did you overcome that?

Mike Catayo: 14:03

Lots of therapy.

Scott Edwards: 14:06

Well, there's something that works.

Mike Catayo: 14:10

You know, I so, in 2007, I made a decision to leave stand up I was I was at the height of my success. Like you know, I wasn't famous or anything but I was on the Opie and Anthony radio show promoting the shark fest comedy core and portray some young Ralphie may were on there and they absolutely loved me. And it made me feel amazing. And I found the real niche dead back guys love me. So it's, they were they were so encouraging and so great. And right around the time I was wrong, it was 2005 Ralphie may told me they digest past J Ouch blue on America on Last Comic Standing and I went, Yeah, I know what it was it hurt me so much because we both have cerebral palsy. And he goes, You're a lot funnier than he is. And I took that. And I just let it sit in me for a little bit. Because that was such a nice thing to hear. Because he had representation I was, I was coming up trying to do it all myself. You know, I think it's the difference between being a big fish in a small pond and small fish in a big pond. Like I came up in New York, he came up in Colorado, I think.

Scott Edwards: 15:46

I'm not sure. But boy Ralphie may had a pretty interesting career. I mean, for somebody that had his own challenges, he had a lot of success, a lot of TV.

Unknown: 15:58

He did. And he was such a super nice guy.

Scott Edwards: 16:02

Well, I think you'd make a good point that when you reach a certain level as a professional comic, you are absolutely correct. Some people try to self manage, which there can be success there. And you do save yourself 10 or 15% of your income. But the true pros, the ones that start doing TV, and getting some of the bigger gigs usually end up with representation. And Ralphie having that representation certainly helped his career. What what, so you're doing well, you're having a successful comedy career, you decided to pivot? What did you end up doing after comedy?

Mike Catayo: 16:43

In Well, I went back to school to be a psychotherapist. And it wasn't really pivoting. It was more I was having panic attacks. Every time I went on stage, like I'd be ventilating in the corner right before they called me up. And then I would go up and be fine. But it was always the lead up that got me scared. And I remember the dialogue in my head became, why are you doing this? You're not any good. This is driving me nuts. You should quit. And then after about five months of that I quit. Because it was it was it's a lot to deal with that every night.

Scott Edwards: 17:22

Yeah, you were cut, as you mentioned earlier, self defeating you were putting yourself psychologically into a mental state that made it challenging kind of like, stage fright. 2.0. Right. Exactly, exactly. And then it's not fun. So then you decided to go into psychotherapy. I know that now, in the last decade or so you've become a very respected motivational speaker. Is that what came of your work in school?

Unknown: 17:55

Well, in a way, I mean, it helps prepare me to talk openly about things and not worry about what people would think. And, you know, my, my one concern is that, how will what I say affects the people I love, like Will it come back on? And so I often have conversations with my wife, where I say, if I talked about it, will you be okay with it? Like, she's a trooper, man. She's like, go ahead. As long as you're getting paid, you could say what you want.

Scott Edwards: 18:30

Well, women have a way of knowing what's important, which is having a little income.

Unknown: 18:35

Right, exactly. Well,

Scott Edwards: 18:39

Mike, I want to point out something that I'm sure you realize, but may not be obvious to everybody that obviously your years in stand up comedy helped formulate your success as a motivational speaker. Right? Be because you were because you were comfortable with an audience. You you knew how to use a microphone, you knew how to get the attention of a crowd. You knew how to kind of control a crowd from an artistic point of view. All those aspects of comedy must have helped you as a motivational speaker.

Unknown: 19:14

Definitely is one of the things that keeps keeps us going is we have a we have a skill set a very unique skill set that we can dive into and you know, I love more than telling my jokes. I love just talking to crowds. So being a motivational speakers actually go into a little bit of your speech, ask how people are doing talk about how they're impacted and kind of pivot on the spot.

Scott Edwards: 19:43

Right. And I think that I'm just assuming maybe you can explain, Mike, are you using comedy to help engage with those audiences as a motivational speaker?

Unknown: 19:55

I would call it you know, like in comedy He is at the root of Brasilia. And so everything we say, can be thought of as funny or every semitone. I listen, I've been, I've been a drug addict, I've been a, I was raised by Ricciardi, like, I've gone through so much shit. And I've never lost my sense of humor. And I think that's what kept me alive.

Scott Edwards: 20:24

Well also helped make you a success. So even though you had some success as a stand up comic, as a more mature adult, you go into motivational speaking, and sharing through your education as a psychotherapist, to engage with people and help them with their problems. You're using your history in comedy and your self induced problems, to really engage. And I think that when it comes to any sort of therapy, engaging with the individual, or the audience is the key, right?

Mike Catayo: 21:03

For sure, totally.

Scott Edwards: 21:05

And being able to use comedy, that just makes it so much easier. And, and you can go a little deeper, because you can take those difficult subjects and put a little humor on them, right?

Mike Catayo: 21:17

Oh, for sure. And, you know, I said the same thing when I was doing therapy, if you're, if you're talking with a person who's dealing with trauma, there's gonna be a point where they edge out and they're like, I can't deal with this anymore. If she has, tell them a joke, or laugh with them, they'll get right back into it.

Scott Edwards: 21:38

Interesting.

Unknown: 21:39

Humor humor, humor does so much it helps regulate your emotions and helps regulate your nervous system. They'll tell you, you're okay. It's hard to laugh and be mad at the same time.

Scott Edwards: 21:55

Exactly. And I think that's so important to share. I'm assuming, but why don't you share with the audience is a professional motivational speaker you're available to be hired? What sort of topics do you share with audiences?

Unknown: 22:11

I, I will talk about whatever you need. But mostly, what I talk about is resilience. Knowing how to pivot when things go bad, what you can do to really change your perspective, you something bad can happen, and you don't have to stay miserable. You can choose to look at the bright side. And I do that through a lot of different techniques. Like there's an anger technique I use, which can really help someone to understand where that fear of change comes from, and why we get stuck in patterns. I hope that I can sense I feel like I went all over the

Scott Edwards: 22:59

place. No, no, no, no, this is, this is good information to share. But I know that one of your topics is dealing with difficult people. And I think that whether it's show business or just around the office, whatever your job, we always run into people that can be difficult to interact with it. It could be a personality, conflict, it could be any number of things, you've been able to help people resolve that kind of feeling or deal with that kind of conflict with people.

Mike Catayo: 23:32

And chronic pain. It's mostly that you can change other people, right, you can change how they act. You can only change how you react. So if they're going through something, you can just sidestep them and deal with or deal with how you're going on with your day and leave them alone. Like I had recently I had someone who was a newer comic who was trying to help and then he lost it on me. He says, he's like, you suck your coffee. Isn't that funny? I'm like, okay, yeah, sure. You're right. Okay. I just I, I aligned with him to kind of get him away from me. And so I'm like, sure I understand what you're saying. I think totally.

Scott Edwards: 24:26

Well, that's a great way to deflect anger is to align with their thinking or disagree with them and move on. We've been going through a challenging time with my father in law, who is elderly and in in sometimes gets challenging, just in his old age and his dementia, and is really best just to go yeah, you're absolutely correct. Yes. You were just in Cleveland yesterday. Yes. Which of course it was it but you know, you just agree with them to calm them down and do deflate their anger, and then that allows you to move forward. So going back to comedy, you did do that for a number of years did it? Was there any particular stories or moments that were extra exciting or maybe challenging?

Unknown: 25:17

Within motivational speaking or within therapy?

Scott Edwards: 25:21

Well, I was going back to your comedy days, because, yeah, stand up comedy show. But know anything that you feel would be informational for the audience?

Unknown: 25:35

Here's the thing. I don't I don't believe in being politically correct. I don't think it has a it has a place. It just shuts people down and it shuts people off. And so I don't feel like being politically correct is necessarily great for comedy, because we're all comedians now are afraid of being hit on space or canceled or having bottles thrown FMz you have real problems. And I think, for me, I've done in AI. Being a comedian, you have to turn your filter off, especially if you're if you liked doing crowd work. So I learned very early on how to turn my filter off. And I said some very nice things on stage that I did not intend to say. And that is something like I constantly tried to work on. I can say this and it will get a laugh, like, how will it make the other person feel? I'm not worried about being canceled, but I I'm fine with it. Like, I'll survive. I think I'm funny enough where it doesn't matter. But I do want to make sure I don't hurt other people's feelings. Because I've done that and that doesn't feel

Scott Edwards: 27:00

so you kind of spoke against yourself. You're saying you don't believe in the counterculture and the whole woke thing I know but same time you bought it. You want to be aware as a comic or as this motivational speaker not to overreach and attack somebody.

Mike Catayo: 27:16

Your your speak out of both sides of my that did not?

Scott Edwards: 27:22

Well, that's okay. It's confusing world.

Unknown: 27:24

Here's the thing. I don't I don't I don't want to I think people get too sensitive. So here's here's the here's the incident that brought that idea. So I was performing that for Laugh Factory around 2005 to fivers back. There was a woman in the audience who was engaged is getting married. I go great. When are you getting married? On Tuesday? I said Tuesday, Tuesday, who gets married on a Tuesday? Are you Jewish? And the audience started laughing. And I could see her face. deflate. Like I said something that was supposed to be a happy moment for her and I made it shitty. And so I've always kept that in the front of my mind. Like, it was funny. I people still laugh when I say it. I think it's still funny. But I don't want to hurt someone individual. I don't care about talking about a culture. I don't care about saying stupid things on stage. But I don't want to hurt any individual feelings.

Scott Edwards: 28:37

Well, I think that that's an important distinction there's there is a difference between attacking or hurting somebody purposefully versus freedom of speech where you have a right to state your opinion and not be concerned that you're that the some of the thin skin snowflakes in the audience are can you grab the pitch forks and arches right? So when it comes now, so that's in comedy, as a motivational speaker, where you're using some comedy, or you're able to use your knowledge of psychotherapy in in deflate situations, so you're helping people manage their life without stepping on everybody else.

Unknown: 29:25

And the motivational speaking, comedy bar is set fellow by dad.

Scott Edwards: 29:34

Mike, it's true, but it's it's funny when you're when you're in front of a paid comedy audience. You have to go for that 10 level laugh every time and motivational speaking if you get a point four giggle you're still better than the other motivational speaker

Unknown: 29:55

and a point for Diggle feels like at 10 o'clock. Think the bar is set so low that you can't really do bad when you're doing motivational speaking unless you attack the logic. And why are you there? If you're a motivational speaker, you're not. That's a D motivation.

Scott Edwards: 30:16

Right? You're kind of defeating the purpose. Well, Mike, you've got some great insights. And I think it comes from your I know, it started with traumatic brain injury. But really, you've had a dramatic life with lots of ups and downs. And you've found a way to learn from that. Educate yourself. And now you're you're sharing with others, ways to avoid or deal with the challenges that life brings us? What's coming up for you in 2023? Or 2024. What, what exciting projects are, what are you hoping to achieve in the next year? So

Unknown: 30:55

in 2024, I'm looking to produce the first ever stand up comedy festival. And so I'm starting to fundraise for that I'm starting to look for Benny stern to do all the things I have to do to make a National Comedy Festival. And so that's a lot of work. But it's really very exciting. I want to one goal is to make every This is a dream right now, but to make every club handicap accessible, because there are comics who are in wheelchairs who can't get on stage.

Scott Edwards: 31:33

Yeah, not every my clubs. Actually I had three of them always had wheelchair accessibility, but it is rare in comedy. Yeah, to stages you have to jump up on or they just have a couple of stairs. And that does make it challenging. I think that's

Mike Catayo: 31:49

a little person any practice midget tossing. You just throw them on stage.

Scott Edwards: 31:55

Well, right. And that's appropriate, if that's their goal is to get on stage. Right. Well, I think that's a great goal to have, Mike, that if you can pull off this festival now that will that be in Philadelphia that is that still your home range?

Unknown: 32:12

And now I let my Well, Philly is. I'm a New Yorker. So I came up in New York, I grew up in New York, I I started dating my wife in 2017. And I moved to Jersey in 2018. And so I'm still in jewelry. But the festival will probably start out in New York.

Scott Edwards: 32:34

Well, I think you got a great audience there. And there's a lot of comics that have physical and mental challenges these days that are trying to get their story out because it helps the rest of America that is dealing with those challenges laugh at their situation and overcome it. Right. So this festival, it would be a huge success. I think that's a great goal, Mike.

Mike Catayo: 33:02

And I'm hoping that I just sent a real America's Got Talent, and I'm hoping they accept me. And that way, that platform will help elevate this festival.

Scott Edwards: 33:14

I think that sounds amazing, Mike. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Mike Corteo, a one time challenged young person, both mentally and physically, who was able to become a professional and successful stand up comic is now a professional and successful motivational speaker. You've had such an interesting life. Mike, thank you for sharing some of it with my audience today. How would people reach you if they want to do help with this festival or reach out on other ideas that you're working on?

Unknown: 33:48

Go ahead, go to my link tree. I have all my socials there. Link cheat.com backslash Funnyman Mike QNNYMA en mi Ke.

Scott Edwards: 34:00

Funny man mike.com is a website you have and then you can contact you through the various social media. Well, Mike, I think that people will do that. Thank you so much for sharing your story. And taking comedy in adding a little seriousness and yet wellness to it. I think that you've been able to do something special with your sense of humor, by bringing bringing a sense of wellness and mental strength to your audiences is so important. Thank you for that.

Unknown: 34:33

Thank you so much for having me on Scott. I really appreciate it.

Scott Edwards: 34:37

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Mike Good to be sure to reach out to him at www funny man. mike.com. Mike, it's been a pleasure to have you. Ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back next week with another great show. Thanks, Mike for joining us.

Mike Catayo: 34:53

Thank you.

Announcer: 34:54

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