"Fantastic Four" Jeff Jena, Jay Leno, Steve Smith & Dennis Miller Show 47

Its the start of a New year and we kick it off with 4 terrific and different Comic Headliners.
We have a fun set by Jeff Jena, a fun Jay Leno Promo & Letterman appearance, some very funny material by Steve Smith, and we end with a Comic "Rant" by Dennis Miller. All four are good writers; but all different...A fun 1/2 hr of Stand-up!

Transcript

Announcer: 0:04

This is another episode of stand up comedy, your host and emcee, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business, stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and emcee Scott and words.

Scott Edwards: 0:22

Hi, and welcome to this week's show. And more important than that, welcome to a new year, man, are we so happy to have 2020 behind us? It was a doozy and not good for anybody. We got through it. Hopefully this will be a much better year, I have a positive attitude about it. So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 2021. Definitely, definitely something to celebrate. And I think that we're going to kick it off with a special show for you on the podcast. For those of you that have been listening for the last nine or 10 months, thank you so much. We're planning to keep going through the balance of this year. We have some special things planned for later on. But right now let's jump off the new year with a very special show. And what I did is I took four totally different kind of acts but all top quality headliners to do comedy sets for you know, interview this show. This is all straight comedy, and I think you'll enjoy a great way to start off a new year. So coming up later on to close things out. Nothing better than a good rant from Dennis Miller. You've heard the name. He's a famous political comic and commentator, and he does a great little rant about daytime TV I think you'll enjoy. Also we have the very funny Steve Smith. This guy's a tremendous comic and headliner that worked for us for many years in the 80s and 90s. This sets from about 1991. I think 92 And I know you'll enjoy it. We have some terrific comedy from Jay Leno. I'll explain a little bit more before it's set. But we have a couple pieces involving material by Jay Leno. I know you'll enjoy and to kick things off. And again 2021 positive mental attitude. It's going to be a better year. We got 2020 behind us, we're going to have some good times. Let's kick it off with some great entertainment by Jeff Jenner. Now this comic was a regular headliner at laughs unlimited during the 80s and 90s. He is a very funny and smart headliner. So I know you'll enjoy this set. Ladies and gentlemen, here's some great stand up comedy recorded live at laughs unlimited by headliner, Jeff. Jena.

Jeff Jena: 3:06

Thank you very much. I'm a 40 year old white guy with no goals in my life. I recently discovered I have accomplished nothing in my entire life. When I turned 40 recently 40 is a tough age for guys. I don't know about women, I can't I can only speak for myself. But see, 40 is the age when you're a guy. You got to walk right up to that big board that we keep in our mind called the dreams of our love. You got to walk right up to that big dream board. You got to start taking stuff off the green board. Moving it over to that never gonna happen and the first few come off pretty quick. It's like oh, pro ball player. Nope, it's not in the whole thing guess no. multimillionaire guess no, then you start getting down. You're going Jesus, I'm 40 I have done nothing with my life. And that's tough. Because you know see if you're like black or gay or a woman or in some minority group and you have done nothing with your life, at least you got an out when you're a straight white man in America, you have done nothing with your life and you hit 40 You gotta look in the mirror and be really honest to go you know what? I have every advantage I must be an incredible loser. I have done absolutely nothing with my life. And how many people work hard for a living, right? But sometimes you'd be like, you don't even have an income. Be like you're some kind of cash redistribution center. You know what I'm saying? Everybody there you kind of go on Thank you very much. Here you go. Yeah, come on back next week. There's gonna be more than this theory about life. No matter how much money you make, you always need more More books was actually Einstein who first postulated expenses equals salary plus 40. The famous equals s plus 40 thermite. Remember this? Here's how it applies to all of our lives. It doesn't matter what you do, or how much money you make, you can end up making$100,000 every week. And on Friday a typical man if I only had 40 more bucks I can pay my utility bill. Do you know what I mean? So what do we do to get more money? We all do the intelligent thing right? play the lottery. Yes. No, but that's stupid. Do you know why normal people like you never win the big dough in the lottery? You know who wins? Weirdo? Weirdo, the biggest weirdo of all time listen, Chicago guy in Chicago won $42 million. One man. Morning Coming. But you know what this weirdo says the next morning? I'm not quitting my job. I'm at home. 140 2 million bucks. This guy's walking around the house. And you know, honey, I've been thinking we could still use that 200 a week and we only had 40 more bucks on it if you want $42 million dollars would you quit your job? Not me. I'd be in there the next morning with a completely different attitude I'd be dancing on my way to work. It's gonna be a short day to day man be sitting at the desk going? I don't think so. Well, yeah, I've been drinking. I got to mirror over here in the filing cabinet. See, I say go in there and kind of fool around until they fired that way to get unemployment.

Scott Edwards: 7:31

That was Jeff Jena. Oh, I know you enjoyed that. Mr. Jena is a very funny headliner and worked for many years for me, and we're happy to have him back on the podcast. All right, coming up now something kind of special and unique for you. First, Jay Leno was a regular at laughs unlimited. We had him at the regular club early in the 80s. And then it became a huge mega star. And then we used him for a few concerts. And together my partner Bob Stoneburner. And I put together a TV commercial to promote J coming to Sacramento in concert. So I'm going to play that TV commercial first, and then edit right into a set that Jay did on the David Letterman Show. So you're going to hear Jay doing material and interacting with David Letterman. But what makes this particular to me and my history and comedy at the end of the interview J plugs laughs unlimited in a future visit to us. So I think between the two you're going to get some great material from Jay and some great references to his appearances allows unlimited so let's jump into it first a TV spot and then some straight material from the Letterman Show of Jay Leno

TV Commercial: 8:45

coming one night only November 26 It's Jay Leno sponsored by laps unlimited and K 108 FM

Jay Leno: 8:58

they're doing rocky for almost out Stallone is gonna play a fighter in this one. Oh stretch that acting instrument to the limit. Interesting now I think see performers performers like Stallone like Arnold Schwarzenegger they've they've opened up the acting profession to a lot of people who couldn't get into it before when speech was a major requirement now any crane dweller that can wield a tire Academy cats run away. My wife's cat ran away for three days sends me out the middle of the night driving around looking for the cat like the cat's gonna stick to the main road trying to get Dementor I think one on one is his best bet. After three days of cat comes La dee John back into that Again like an idiot, I say Where have you been? First of all accounts gonna lie anyway. I gotta buy Friskies buffet. I want to moneymaker this is I don't mind buying the Friskies. I just hate setting up that stupid buffet every night.

TV Commercial: 10:19

Be there Wednesday night November 26 at the Sacramento community convention theater for one show only at eight o'clock with Jay Leno sponsored by the labs unlimited. Get your tickets now at Bass ticket Tron and all the usual outlets as well as laughs unlimited in old Sacramento.

David Letterman: 10:42

Welcome back to the show. Now, Jay, what else is bothering you in your travels?

Jay Leno: 10:47

You know, today that I bought a piece of film as I said, I was in Detroit and I you know, I got annoyed at people that say that you know, the Americans don't feel the car as good as some other countries so I bought a piece of film that I think will help well just explain the way a lot of Americans feel I think it expresses the sentiment of a lot of American work this up in Boston All right job bringing us some video. You know, why did you get where you're going to Boston Your problem is really only half so many you got to find a parking space and among a lot of swank Bostonians the fashionable thing now is to get one of those wimpy little foreign cars you know the kind of zooming in and out of those types of spaces me I like to create my own space that's why I drive and American made vehicle I'll real vehicle like this baby here I can kind of bully my way around. What's in front of me a little Japanese car is a present from my cousin in Detroit don't get me wrong the javelins don't make a good medical Justin well a lot of people I feel safer and a heavy American car boss Boston called the great the first finding the First Boston driving tests in Leon sometime in August. That's a little clip from that we're good you actually drive that thing I think was 56 times I mean, I said that I run over it yet. You actually match the car yourself? Yeah, that's what's great about not to be it's not union so somebody in the car does a nice thing about it.

David Letterman: 12:47

Now I know you like watching a lot of television

Jay Leno: 12:50

and you're not only got the 18 now I guess Have you seen this? Sure. That's no that's a big NBC. Yeah, they can be secured 18 Boy, you missed the first two or three minutes it's so hard to follow the rest of those intricate. Yeah, what's the premise of the show you got these veterans what wrongly accused of a crime. Mr. T with the strike down his head up apart with the white hair you got the beautiful woman the three male models right in the back row in a black van with a red stripe a wing on the top and things jacked up and the cops are going we can find them no trace I believe this is the the time of year when a lot of performers performance go out and work fares.

TV Commercial: 13:36

I used to do first I used to work a midway really those are rough I think I work Milwaukee fest that a midway once and like you're standing there and just people walk by you know what I used to do? I used to do cheap carnivals you have to do those the kind of carnivals that pull into a town like they take over the Kmart parking lot all the rides are on the back of trucks they always leave the trucks running in case they kill a kid and they got to get the c cups are going around a greasy cheese and if

David Letterman: 14:11

you actually work those work those things yeah the guys run in the rides are nice like

TV Commercial: 14:15

oh yeah, they always have people on some kind of prison work for what you see. You see mothers put their children on these rides the guys are going nice looking boy I just put up a name yesterday that was up in me. I have a Kennebunk father was to pay for gardens in savings in Chicago. You know what I made a mistake. Zanesville Ohio No, no, that's insane. He's in Chicago. Nobody it's not in Janesville. No. And I want to thank the owner Vito zany what? He had a dream of opening a club and he did it and I think that's you know what? annoying about when you fly by EMC that gift catalog

David Letterman: 15:04

you get Oh, sure. Yeah, it comes in the monthly airlines.

Jay Leno: 15:08

American Airlines gift catalog and I'm looking through it. And they have gifts like a 26 inch color TV. Who would buy a color TV from American Airlines? I mean, besides paying for waste less than waiting 18 weeks for delivery. What do you do when this thing breaks, drag it down to baggage claim. The horizontal.

David Letterman: 15:28

That's tough. Jay. Congratulations. 132 days.

TV Commercial: 15:34

It ends in two more weeks. I go to rascals this weekend. Then the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas next week and the week after that Laughs Unlimited.

David Letterman: 15:44

When you rest up, come on back and see I shall do that

Scott Edwards: 15:53

I know you enjoyed that. We were so excited to have Jay and Dave Letterman talk about his future appearance at laughs unlimited. So let's move on to some more great comedy. Coming up now is a very talented headliner Steve Smith. This was recorded live in 1992 I know you'll enjoy it. Very funny guy ladies and gentlemen some stand up comedy by Steve Smith.

Steve Smith: 16:20

Is Bill Clinton seemed like the President or does he just seem like this guy taking care of the White House to the real President shows. First time ever voted for somebody but I'll tell you some people won't admit they voted for Clinton anymore what do you do today almost anybody go pro? My mom to do I almost go to Pearl I just didn't think America was ready for a Keibler Elvis here today oh, here's a deal here today. Oh here today you want a cookie? Want a cookie? I'm Rich I'm certain I'm nuts. That's the the lawyer there. I'm Richard Jordan. I'm nuts. Nuts in short and rich and lucky forever I have this theory that the last five presidents of the United States have actually been cartoons. No, I can prove it they've been part of the seven dwarfs that it was Carter happy there was Ford Don't be Nixon would be doc because he could do amazing things with tape. Okay, Reagan would be sleeping yes sleeping used to fall asleep at meetings. President Reagan well just say no more Prozac mommy and Bush Bush would be this little known dwarf Bush would be kooky that there's a bright spot in American history we send the most powerful man in the world the leader of the free nation to Japan to help us with our trade. Yeah, and he blows chunks and I got all the poor Japanese guys oh jesus christ oh my god Hebrew chunk on me Yeah, we want to buy your car now. Yeah, I can't believe you brought junk on me. We like last president he just fall asleep what's up with it? Remember this about that same time this one Japanese man got on Japanese television and insulted America and South America. Remember this? He apologized for this later? But this one Japanese mangoes McIntyre doesn't work as an American and he noticed that so do you got to work 18 hours a day? I don't want to work 18 hours. Hey, you make my VCR Oh watch it just did you come over and show me how to hook it now I was watching that guy on TV when I saw that guy say Americans lousy workers Americans lazy man just got out of bed remote control flew it flew I was in Phoenix at the fly. God bless you get over this fear. Yes, you should see there's a flame smoking something this oil. Oil Man should just say no one's giving your flights to like you'll see I tell you I don't like they don't give you a cheat sheet. They don't give you see they give you a warning no seat just a warning so the guys taking tickets are my keys I get afraid of CRASH CRASH my bike in the back of the plane it's safer in the back of the plane a mountain at 900 miles an hour you're just last to die dead people coming right out third floor of a bad earthquake planes crash not very often but they do a plane crash in Los Angeles a while ago plane crash in Detroit is true about a year ago in New York is one plane didn't even get off the runway plane is when nobody got hurt on that flight which is great. What's funny about that flight was the flight number had a funny flight number and he gets funny. Wasn't it wasn't 66 But I think 66 would be a great flight. But even those jobs kept speaking we'd like to welcome you aboard Flight Honey Honey these peanuts are getting hot I'm your captain My name is Satan he's gonna turn you into a goat. He will not say know when? 666 Yes, no. 13 No. No 169 69 That'd be a good flight. We're gonna go around again. Try to keep your butts off the tray tables. Keep repeating this is in the upright lock position. It's okay to smoke No 169 Now the actual play number I'm not making this up. two?. That's funny. When I hear the numbers, I will look for a Steve to banjo now one two was for flight number was 5050 5050 Yeah. Get on a plane JacksGap speaking we'd like to welcome you aboard Flight 5050 We think we got a pretty good chance to make it. Sit back, relax. And

Scott Edwards: 23:18

that was Steve Smith live on stage ladies and gentlemen, I know you enjoyed that set. He was one of our favorite returning headliners at laughs unlimited all through the 80s and 90s. This particular set was recorded in 1992. And I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hey, I have something unique coming up. As I mentioned, I wanted to kick off the new year with something different. And we've had three so far different headliners providing different types of comedy. And I'm going to end this with something totally different. So one of our regular headliners. More on the political comedy side was Dennis Miller that Dennis Miller worked for me a lot in the 80s. And then he got very famous. He had his own TV show has done a lot of appearances as a commentator on other shows. But he's famous for his political rants. In the year 2000. He put together a book and a cassette set. Okay, for those of you under 50, a cassette was a little piece of plastic that had a tape in it, and you could play back things. Anyway. Dennis gave me as a gift this set from I rant, therefore I am once again Dennis Miller produced in 2000, a cassette series and book called Iran therefore I am you can still get the book through Amazon. It's very, very funny. Pick it up if you can. But right now I have an excerpt from the cassette version of the book. And it's Dennis Miller ranting about daytime TV. I think it's very funny and it shows his intelligent view of things. And it's totally different from everything else you heard earlier in this podcast. But to kick off 2021 properly. And now for something different Dennis Miller ranting about daytime TV take it away Dennis

Dennis Miller: 25:09

with everything that's on daytime television today, one thought continues to haunt me. How in the hell did Richard Bay get cancelled? lest anyone think I'm biting the hand that feeds me. Let me clarify. When I speak of talk shows, I mean, the anti Darwinian Lord of the Flies cluster fucks that pass for daytime programming. The shows where the basic rules of human discourse are paid about as much attention as Linda hunt on the set of Baywatch, Hawaii. Now, I'm not saying they all suck like airplane toilets, but you could safely conclude that the good ones can be counted on the one hand of a bad woodshop. Teacher. It's not hard to figure out why the shows are popular. They answer the burning question. What are the people we see being arrested on cops do during the day? Why have these daytime chat fess flourished? Well, the answer is that all the smart people are working when the shit is on the sub morons who watch this Drac are the people nobody wants to hire. That's the only way I can explain the sheer number of gene pools Cummings that make it on the air. I swear you can still see the jelly on their foreheads where the electroshock terminals were attached. What I find so scary is that some of these shows have been on for years, but they still managed to find this Fantasia broom army of social misfits to appear on them. They all look like they just stepped out of a William Faulkner rough draft mouth breathing freaks who make Jethro Bodeen look like David Niven. But the shows do provide a service. They weave together some of the shabbier threads in the fabric of our society and give them a voice even if that voice is frequently only heard inside their own heads. Hey, how many times have I seen chunky tattooed women's slap fighting in the laundromat parking lot and wished I knew the backstory. And the Yoda of daytime the professor emeritus of emotional charm is one Jerry Springer Esquire. Now here's a man who has become a household name, excuse me make that a trailer hold name by offering daily spectacles that make Brazilian snuff films seem uplifting by comparison. Each day Springer ladles through the primordial ooze like some psychotic cafeteria lady and dishes up the mystery meat of the human condition. My favorite part of the Jerry Springer show, though, is Jerry's final thought. Yeah, like all of a sudden Jerry is going to add some perspective and sanity to tie it all together. I got news for you. Jerry has only one final thought. And you know what it is or the Siamese twin Hasidic skinheads confirmed for tomorrow. We are the Rubberneckers and Springer and his ilk orchestrate the train wrecks we all slow down to ogle and the freak stakes have to be jacked up higher with each passing day, because let's face it, folks, we are less shockable than David Lynch and a pair of platform galoshes. Well, that just about wraps this rant up. But here's my final thought. What kind of world would it be if we weren't all inexorably drawn to watching trashy chicks scream at each other? Right before they get a makeover that looks like it was done by a guy who paints murals on the sides of vans, only to find out that no amount of Makeover will be enough to assuage their pain at losing their man to another hose hoochie course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Scott Edwards: 28:24

Well, I know you enjoyed that you can tell by the just the writing that Dennis Miller is a very intelligent guy. And he has a way of expressing himself totally different than our previous three headliners and pretty much different than anybody in the business. But Dennis has been very successful. And we were very proud at last to present him early in his career back in the 80s, as a regular headliner in our club. So ladies and gentlemen, that was the kickoff podcast for 2021. I hope you enjoyed it. We're gonna continue each and every Sunday releasing a new podcast and we hope you continue listening. Tell your friends and share it once again. We hope you enjoyed the comedy of Jeff Jenner, Jay Leno, Steve Smith, and Dennis Miller. Thanks for listening to the show. We'll see you next week. Bye.

Announcer: 29:20

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy your hosting MC. For information on the show merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott. Visit our website at WWW dot stand up your host and mc.com Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy. Visit a comedy show room near you