Standup Comedy "Your Host and MC"

"Two Comedy Concerts Shared" Great Shows with Don Friesen & Jay Leno Show #90

November 14, 2021 Scott Edwards Season 2 Episode 90
Standup Comedy "Your Host and MC"
"Two Comedy Concerts Shared" Great Shows with Don Friesen & Jay Leno Show #90
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Show Notes Transcript

Here is a terrific show with loads of solid clean comedy. Two Headliners share the bill: Only 2 time SF Comedy Competition Winner, Don Friesen in Concert, and one of my favorites, Jay Leno from a Sold Out concert I produced in 1986. Jay and i worked together many times, and this concert was one of his best!
I know you will hear the two styles of standup, yet both are very funny...Enjoy!

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Announcer:

This is another episode of stand up comedy, your host and emcee, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and emcee Scott Edwards.

Scott Edwards:

Welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, we have another terrific show two great headliners on this week's podcast coming up later on, you know the name Jay Leno, one of the regulars at my club and a guy did a couple large sold out concerts with we'll get to Mr. Leno and his material later in the show. But to start things off at terrific first headliner, this gentlemen Don freezin is one of the best road comics he's been doing his craft for over 30 years is still entertaining. In many clubs and doing one man shows all around the country. He is in was the only two time winner of the San Francisco comedy competition. Been on lots of TV shows, and just a great guy. What's interesting is both these comics made their careers by being clean and funny. And that's something that's always important to remember. I think you'll see what I mean, ladies and gentlemen, my first headliner for this podcast, Don Friesen really

Don Friesen:

don't even know when that happened. You know, it just did one day I realized she has a checkbook I have a check. When pathetic, lonely miserable emergency check number 1342 and carried in my wallet for 11 years. So crumpled up you can't really make out the teddy bears I don't even know what emergency I'm allowed to use it in. You can't spend it without looking like a dork. He would look at you funny that guy just pull the chicken out of his watch must be married the clerk's got to help you sure you want to spend that man maybe you better give her a call or a postman my dad had one check to one check no cash. Now I finally understand we always had like 1000 bucks with the change in his pockets. He was embezzling money out of the marriage and Nicoletta time he was a visionary catch him in the bedroom rolling quarters What are you doing nothing don't pay another like 28 keys in the other pocket so it wouldn't tip over he was beating the system some of you enjoying this a little more than others. Picking up a lot of energy over here where's that come from? You guys married married people you guys married? Yeah How you doing? I can always spot a brother I you know man. Brother in this dog it was it was What's your name? Sir? Nice to meet you. What you check number Hello, hello. We've been married five years all right. That's kind of new. Do you still get to pick out your own food at restaurants and stuff? Sometimes that's that's a start okay. You're probably like me I'm allowed to I just don't know what the hell I like a part of my brain has been dormant for many years. Yeah. It's fine. Normally every once while you go to a fancy restaurants a little embarrassing. The waiter comes around. It's like we have mesquite grilled Scallops. Scallops. Oh, do I like scallops? Yes you do yes I do. Well, you heard are you guys don't even need me next time just put your hand up my back will save some time let's go to the fabric store next say that there's nothing in that fabric store about pain and suffering man. Walk in it's like kryptonite. losing power. decide quickly. Honey like this. I can feel my eyes 11 years I'm still falling for rookie mistakes. I was in target my wife does not honey watch. Go get nine I'm almost finished. Okay, you mean at this time right? feel kind of stupid with the empty cart here that line flies when you got nothing people just move out away see the idiot come through yeah there's ego and I don't know let him go you get up to the front you're a complete moron hey how you doing? It's just a dry run I'll be back up minutes lay your back through Hey me again sorry I eventually just lose the card all together you know go go through on first and then next to front position let him through one at a time. Okay, go ahead. I don't see her go ahead. I'm still in charge you're no problem next five minutes that people just ignore you all together the line just bows around you just some loser reading Red Book. Talking to the clerk ever find your wife No, I didn't. I learned 15 ways to satisfy a man I didn't leave leaving target didn't make the list I guess I shouldn't complain and get pretty good allowance. You too. I thought I was the only one. I was married for about five years before I realized that I wasn't the only one I was at a party with my friend. And he says he gets like 60 bucks a week allowance and the single guy with us was appalled. He was like you get an allowance. Now he's like you get 60 bucks I'm telling mom things change when you're married people say the sex changes when you're married. I think what changes is what you'll do to get it seriously I used to try and stay in good shape be romantic now I want to impress her take out the trash oh you stallion I do it again we've got some laundry going I'm really horny laundry is an aphrodisiac in our household our entire apartment complex I never see women doing laundry it's always mean 14 other words is our little baskets in the hallway exchange at glance somebody spice it up try things different you know we tried having sex standing up guys try that that legal it's cool I was a little nervous you know first I kept thinking she was gonna drop me yeah no, I'm happily married I hope to be happily married when I'm 50 years marriage you know? Cuz I do want to be married 50 years but so many people you see like you could you know they could tell they've been pissed for 49 Were you guys even together well I said forever do the deal. You guys just split up oh, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction I think I can outlast her StateFarm pays the winner everybody come to Burbank with me would you come on let's go just gotta clear it with my wife Oh Southwest Airlines 39 bucks on 12 stops no assigned seats even just one big mad scramble the gays like go what happened well the music star get some on the next one. Check that itinerary closely ever think you have a direct flight fall asleep? Wake up there's like 15 bags of peanuts on your where the hell of my bed the only airline that's ever tossed me peanuts think about zoo like moment I was like Oh, thank you my bad alright, I'll get the next one to down today. I look alive pilots scare me too. I wish they wouldn't talk to you if they're on Prozac. Guy comes out we're stuck in the tarmac for like almost an hour once you find Come on It's like speaking you may have noticed we're experiencing a slight two delay just got where there's some sort of bolt or screw with again screwed and we're gonna screw back and we'll be on our way Don't worry about too much those guys seem to know what they're doing I guess she's really gonna be more worried about me oh no no you work your whole life was it all me I don't even know we're planning they were Phoenix Dallas you tell me it's all one big purpose a blur purposes per day was perky products Lucky's cute ever dream you can fly wake up and your trip and a half man do you guys care hi you got your own little concerns my safety my destination the customer's always right Me me me me me if you're so right I can meet up on my flight that's not always like this sometimes I have good days. Days like today I just want to fly this paper where the sun no captain Lucky for you I don't even know the right sequence of buttons to push I cheated on the test I had to it was hard man those guys in the tower piss me know nothing I do is ever good enough Everything's my fault you can aim too low check the altimeter thingy or whatever making it hard for me to get to my happy place if you're happy at know it clap your hands good for last been asked to be so perfect I don't even know if the guys are saying half the time I just wait to they're finished as they are Roger Do you want to be a pilot? I just want to be a dancer Yeah, let them really come out. So what if I fly naked? That's my business. It's my cockpit sometimes you got to air it out plane it's falling apart. The marriage is falling apart. Apparently I need to learn how to communicate blah blah blah email is my major river I just don't feel pretty anymore. I'm in a very vulnerable place right now. At first I was afraid I was petrified I see Kupala Bill brought his keyboard I don't think so. Bill not too bad I'm not the captain was that a matter Roger first you steal my wife now you're stealing my lines perfect without her by my pants will be on our way will live survive sir you guys

Scott Edwards:

Don Friesen you could see why he's one of the funniest guys still out there working, doing a one man shows and comedy clubs all over the country. Very, very funny guy. And coming up now one of the most famous comics ever. Jay Leno this gentleman worked for us many times before he was famous. And then after he got famous, I did a couple of great sold out concerts with him here in Sacramento, a great guy always easy to work with. What's interesting is that he could do an hour an hour and a half set. totally clean. Totally funny. And just always amazing. Of course you know him from the Tonight Show and most recently, he's been on last man standing. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear some comedy from back in 1986 from Jay Leno,

Jay Leno:

coming up here as a plane. As I said, I got stuck in the airport and it was so packed today everybody flying, bought a bunch of magazines pick up the new issue of Playboy. I'm too old for this, you know, this magazine written for guys 18 to 25 I think once most men hit 30 You see through the more obvious tricks Playboy uses to keep men interested in the magazine like in the front of Playboy now they have this thing with their pictures of four or five playmates and they ask each playmate a question and of course each woman answers in her own words like last month's question was what kind of men do you like? Now? He had these incredibly attractive women they could go out with anybody they want and they always give some stupid Playboy answer like well I like dumb guys with no money so you know there's some poor 18 year old locked in the latrine of USS Kitty Hawk in the middle of Mediterranean going Hey, I gotta go out. I'm gonna write her a letter in crayon on a paperback Gee, I know she'll fly to Portland and meet my ship when it comes in. Yeah. Ghazi December she was the one that has all those fabulous Playboy bachelor gift items. You know the ones made by swank you know this you know the thing is no single 18 year old guy can live without like the three foot chrome shoehorn. You know, I used to believe this stuff I thought about this the other night when I was 19 years old. I sent away 1495 for the Playboy electric swizzle stick you know drink mixer to D size batteries Playboy Emmalyn put it in a woman's drink free mixer drink very sophisticated. You know, I figured window would be real impressive this I figured I'd walk into parties women go. What's that a playboy swizzle stick? About the penthouse letters to many of the gentlemen who read the penthouse letter, sir. You don't read them? I guess Bible class keeps you pretty busy most of the time about the gentleman with a jacket and tie a jacket and tie obviously your first time at one of my shows. So what now? Do you read the penthouse letters? Absolutely. Well, I certainly don't want to bet you sir. But I think the letters are real. They never printed your letter so. So you did you actually send a letter and I believe him too. How about the gentleman next to him there you don't read them he's lying so as I think that's fair to assume a man you've never met until a moment ago asked him a simple question and you assume he's lying. So your your faith in humanity is unbelievable, sir really? He's lying. He's lying. He's lying. Why would he lie this guy? Well actually the penthouse to the penthouse letters are based on the assumption that any woman whose car breaks down on a deserted highway in the middle of the night is looking to get laid and if you believe that then of course the truck driver who stops the hump with the camera ready with this makes perfect sense. See my favorite pen as letters are the ones written by women cuz you know women didn't write them you know, some dork brain guy wrote this letter. You can tell by the way it's written a woman did. Your typical penthouse letter from an alleged woman is always like dear penthouse. I'm in an attractive woman and then she gives her measurements as most women do when writing a letter I think that's fairly common and and should you have pouting breasts or supple buttocks you want to put that in the letter to them. So people know a little bit more about you the individual. See, my favorite thing I'm always amazed at how willingly the women that penthouse letters are to accept whatever sexual punishment Destiny deems necessary. Again, a typical ledge letter is always like your penthouse. I'm in an attractive woman who was an avid feminist and president of my local era chapter. Recently, my boss asked me to get him coffee. When I refuse he took me over his knee and gave me a sound spanking. Needless to say, I became his love slave. Needless to say. I think that's fairly common office practice, isn't it? Like most professional women have been through this kind of thing a number of times. You know what amazed me now this is unbelievable. I read this in the paper. What do you think is the most widely read magazine in America? Yes. It is TV. It used to be Reader's Digest. Now it's TV Guide TV Guide is now considered reading in America. When did this happen? I think it happened the same day ketchup became a vegetable in this country. Are you coming to bed near on a couple hours, honey, I just want to see who's on cross widths for the rest of the week. I like the new ad campaign, any TV Guide because TVs getting more complicated every day. Do you know there are people out there saying gee we'd like to watch the Dukes of Hazzard we just don't have the educational background. If only there was a supplement we could follow along. I watch my favorite show every day People's Court this is like attack of the pinheads this program he took my pen I did not He took my pen you shut up and then she give that death sentence to some of these litigants. And I feel sorry, but judge Wagner he must take so much grief from the other judges. I mean, let's face it, judges are a pretty pompous group. Whenever you get a bunch of judges in a room they'll all try to impress one another with the important cases they've handled well remember the essence of the Miranda decision was essentially that the rights of the individual should try and fill the needs and majority are here comes Judge Wapner now Hey whitener as you make out with that case of the puppy stained carpet game shows you know there was a time in this country you had to know something to be on a game show password College Bowl even Jeopardy yet no facts. Now they have shows like I said just got cancelled anything for money. So game show when they do on the show as they try to find people with severe economic problems. And they often have the choice between human dignity and small financial gain. Got a program Gorbachev would like to show the Russian people as examples what life in America must really be like, you know, watch capitalist pig, you have to jump in bag of shit for $100 Still want to emigrate Ishmael. As I mentioned the other night they brought back the newlywed game in the dating game. This is kind of an interesting thing you see is the theory behind this although the literacy rate in this country is low, the network's are worried that it's not quite low enough. So by bringing back shows like The Dating Game, what they hope to do is make genetically inferior people and the realization that they will reproduce mutant offspring thus ensuring the next generation of contestants with these game shows you know it's so fascinating theory. He was talking about Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous this is like Karl Marx's worst nightmare come through this program. It's like capitalism on acid. You know? Why the rich people even go on the show all the show is that video gift catalog for criminals You know they sit home with their VCR to play that tape back Vinny want to see where share secret wall safe is again guys on the other night, I saw this great burger king when $1,000 a month for Life magazine they said they show the guy Rolls Royces by a chalet in England yet good luck pal try and get a hotel room for $1,000 a month. Oh, this is great. It's great. There's no consumption. I'm amazed it shows you the number and the ATM system like a top show you like this program? Not now Now. Now. Now see now you probably you guys don't like it for the same reason I don't like it. Well, you missed the first two or three minutes it's so hard to follow on Jaya. That complicated story and the surprise ending with a cargos in the water. Who would have guessed that was going to happen again this week. What's the premise of the ATM you have these Vietnam veterans wrongly accused of a crime hiding out from the police? Well let's analyze the cat just got Mr. T to black guy muscles chains big strength on its head judge by the white guy silver hair big cigar to male models a woman in a bikini there in a black van with a red stripe a wing on the top mag wheels Mr T's driving and the cops are gone. We can't find him I don't know where the hell I could be boy just see what USA Today said about the ATM he talks about people getting dumber you ever read this USA Today? This is like America's biggest school newspaper or something and then I I always feel like they should have a think and do page on the back of this repeat he said the 18 was the most violent show on TV which is not really fair. Because if you have kids you know the most minor thing on TV is what? God Jones sure of your five year old kid and you watch cartoons all day and I think this is a reasonable analogy. Kids think if you take a stick of dynamite put it under a dog's ass and set it off the dog's eyeballs Sure, kids think you hit a dog with them actually got two dogs across every Friday night one of my favorites Knight Rider Oh boy. Here's a show that makes the Dukes of Hazzard look like Citizen Kane this thing again, my favorite episode I always talk about this one of the one where Michael Knight was forced to do battle with his evil twin See, I knew it was his real twin because this guy couldn't act either. is a real problem for a lot of Americans evil twin is a mummy Why didn't Why do I keep seeing the dynasty has an evil twin I mean this has happened to anybody have a gun to work founder you've been fired because yesterday after you left your evil twin came in and screwed up all the work you've done see I don't like the fantasy show I like the old fascist police shows you pre Miranda programs you know like like Hawaii Five O 's welcome Dan oh what about my rights my Garrett writes the Constitution is 3000 miles away and not in America now Palace is Hawaii get him out of here and slap his parents around to That'll teach him a lesson raise a kid like that in a wahoo we don't well what are the hot shows now you guys Miami Vice that seems to be the hot program now people this is this is essentially Charlie's Angels without the estrogen really when you think about it I get a pretty realistic show to cops. What do they make? 20 to five year drive for I wear designer clothes. And like most police on the way to an emergency call they play loud rock music What's that Glenn Frey? That's a cold one let's get on that phone held down was canceled hard to believe pretty realistic show but a priest who doesn't turn the other cheek he blows it away the equalizer that's not bad. I wonder what happened to all that money from the Bernard gets defense fun. You know. Matt Houston is a good one. But a millionaire that does detective work on the side. Yeah, I know if I became a millionaire first thing I do try to nail down some second job. For everyone I could work nights and maybe get shot in the face. Who's the guy that started all this stuff? I guess that'd be the Magnum guy right. Selleck. Tom Selleck? What's he been on nine years at yo is he still a good looking guy ladies this guy out just No. No likes Tom Selleck. Someone with a hysterectomy back there apparently. Yo, are you alright missed? It's sometimes those things stick out of the seat theories suddenly anyone get hurt certainly at this kind of who likes Tom Selleck? Someone who was really well that was just okay really good looking what? Adorable. So that's really good looking. Sex Appeal. I think he's probably gay. This guy. Yeah, you know? No, I tell you it makes me sad to see intelligent young women taken in by such an obvious cheap charade. Really? I think men can spot it. I think most men are like me I look at a guy like So like right away. It's obvious the fake height the phony muscles the obvious to pay that little codpiece in the pants. Yeah, I think it's pretty here's a good rule for women to follow I think this is fair. You see any good looking guy over six three all his hair mustache? Good bony crease in his pants probably gay. You see a little dumpy guys theme t shirt six pack couple of Twinkies watching the A team this is my data guy. This guy knows who he is none of this identity crap all over him boy Oh it's good to be back in California. I was been traveling around the country when and all over the place is in New York, Philly. And it's one sir I did see this. Oh, see we don't get the big circus here. We don't get Ringling when we do we get we had ringler Usually we get circus Vargas. Now we've got a circus Vargas at traveling syphilitic Sideshow there with us disease animals and hermaphrodite clowns throwing anthrax spores that the children sees it's like it's like entertainment from the ninth century geeks trolls mutants all these inbred circus people that come out from under bridges looking for some kind of summer job on this thing they you know they bring disease and pestilence into the area you know the worst part about the circus G they they give the animal no dignity. I mean, you know I think the humans run the planet. I don't think the animals are going to launch any massive offensive I mean, I mean, isn't the elephant a pretty amazing animal like why can't they just let the elephant stand if the children to admire what they have to embarrass the elephant they put them in that stupid party hat you know, he's got to stand a little stool. And then make matters worse, the elephant has to walk for a half hour in a circle with his nose and the elephant's ass all right now I'd like to go to work every day with your nose in the guy's ass in front of you there and the sad thing is a lot of these elephants are trying to get into legitimate theater and this is the only chance they have real yeah it's a sad thing it's a sad thing i i came from a small town we never had the real circus used to get those cheap Kmart circuses you know those ones they set up in a parking lot on weekends and all the rides on the back of trucks and there was leave the engine in the truck running in case they kill a kid and they gotta get out of there you know, he said let's go run carnivals they all seem beyond some sort of prison work furlough program you know, horribly misspell tattoos, no shirts and they always seem to be leering at the children a lady that's a nice looking boy you got I did a prison show recently now this was interesting you know working in a prison was kind of strange because you know you find out things that you learn from television are not true like criminals in real life do not laugh the way criminals laugh on television. You know I'm talking about you ever see the way criminals laugh on television they always laugh in descending order of the head criminal mean you've seen the scene 1000 times the big criminal Mr. Big sitting at the end of the table all the other criminals sit alongside them. And they had criminal law system like by this time tomorrow. Matt Houston will be did I kind of laugh all the way down. You know it's kind of a rough year for criminals Manson and sarahan Serhan denied parole again this year. I guess this came as quite a shock to immediate families you know, every year Manson comes up for parole does he think he's gonna get a chance? Do you think he thinks he I think he tries to get the parole. I want is the guy like Manson even say to his cellmate before he meets with the parole board. What do you think Bob the blue tie to busy Yeah. Manson was injured this year in prison. You know about this kind of interesting thing a fellow inmate threw gasoline on him and set him on fire during a religious argument is a couple of major theologians via Gee, I wonder what part of the scriptures they were having trouble with one. One through gas And the other ones face and set them on fire still think it's Matthew 10 Well it's a good group we turn the lights up a little bit through the crowd looks like a handsome crowd All right now Mr. Comedy we'll get to all your questions in just a moment all right well that's a good group we have How about the gentleman with a jacket and tie what kind of work you do sir Yep, apparently the term seems foreign to you so that now what kind of work you do? You're in the grocery business. You're in marketing I think it sounds better to women that way pretty much now what kind of thing do you do in the grocery business? Oh, apparently I have two people sharing a brain here ladies and gentlemen hang on we seem to have got some kind of syntax or cross over here apparently. You're an RC regular clerk kind of a Bob Cratchit kind of now about the young lady what kind of work you do no no the young lady will just just a consultant just in life itself more or less kind of that ties to wide pull up that him that kind of thing. Consultant in life How about a gentle with a beard here just town posing as an Iranian student are you there sir? What? What kind of work you do? Oh, there's two men with beards. Okay. Oh, I will try this. How about you so what do you do you do budgeting? No. Why did you get into budgeting Sir the fast cars the women the lifestyle swing in OMO Riviera 1d and the other gentlemen you kill it yeah I would catch check that severe diphthong first yes oh was a help to pronounce the field are involved with Sir now yeah, I took the nuclear physics stuff yes a data processing technician she may have a gun I'm gonna try and keep her talking until the authorities arrived ladies and gentlemen cuz now you're not Sarah Jane Moore's daughter What's your name? Hi Terry. Hello cannabis what is that sir? This January generous man you obviously don't teach posture here in town sir. Now you've been writing letters of your mail but your letter Hasn't your Terry you know, I remember Dave saying something about next week. Are you from Sacramento Yeah, you're from from around here. Yes sir. You know, I'll bet that'll be on next week roundly that letter. No Mercy no CIC if I was to take that they would never put it on. See it has to go through the regular channels. But you wrote a funny letter. Five letter. Now I don't know what what do you do here in town your data processing tech for the county. So you pretty much kind of punch in and go home and write letters today's Okay, well, we'll we'll I'll get on that as soon as we have G I've got some more time here tonight. But I'll I will get on that as in fact, Dave What time is it New York but, uh, Scott, see if we can get day for me on the phone. What you're going to check into that right now for you. So we'll, we'll see. This is how you defuse a potentially dangerous situation later. But Terry, I will I will check into that. Certainly do what I can about a lady like Tom Selleck, what do you do? Legal Services while they would have to be Wouldn't they? Now is there some sort of quarantine section down here? Is this some kind of a bus tour group now why you people separated from the others? How about this distinguished looking man here with the glasses so what do you do? Retired Now what kind of work you retired from? A teacher I guess the rest of you didn't go to school missed out on a lot. Very hard job teaching really. It is a tough job because kids don't even think as a human being Grammar School is the worst. Now the first time we ever saw a teacher outside to me was unbelievable was like, here's Mrs. Johnson. She's buying groceries. You know, what is she gonna do with that stuff? You know? He never imagined a teacher before. Mary Magdalene murder her begin homework all the time now about the young lady is this some tutoring pupil of yours sir probably helping former student teacher as well retired from the state or state service that does not the penitentiary obviously that was in heaven heavens curious thing how many other gentlemen here with the beard What do you do sir? A pharmacist oh so free rubbers I guess for you yeah I guess that works out pretty good the famous comedy dribble glass boy you fall for that each time you know that oh those lamps unlimited folks. Oh people up there in the balcony there How you guys doing I guess that's pretty much our remedial section there are they? There is a 400 SH T minimum to get in I guess some you know there's a good crowd like at least people hanging right on the edge there Right How are you guys doing pretty good then. About lady has both our hands up what do you do? Wait a minute. Wait a minute apparently the some sort of Quadra head up there is just perhaps if one person could speak it would make it easier here what? What do you do? She seems to fall on three flights ladies and gentlemen, is your work for Pacific Bell. Now what is your job when the alright what is your job when the repair line rings? You're not to answer it. Oh, wait. I hate dealing with the phone. They act like your parents don't if you break your phone they try to teach you a lesson by making you stay in one day next week. You broke your phone you're grounded Friday between nine and five. No, you're not more time we'll be there young man. You just sit and wait. The true story. My phone breaks. I'm making an appointment. Get it fixed on Wednesday. I will all day Wednesday. Nobody comes Thursday. I'm real mad. I call from a payphone when we said we couldn't get out to your house yesterday. We tried to reach you but apparently your phone is on. I says when can you fix the phone? We'll be home Thursday. I said yeah, I'll be home Thursday between nine and five Thursday comes on at eight o'clock. I'm standing at the front door for seven hours waiting for this guy. Finally a 430 I can't take any longer go on the bathroom for two minutes. I come out. There's a note on the door. Sorry, we missed you. You know.

Scott Edwards:

That was Jay Leno. Ladies and gentlemen live on stage and one of the concerts I produced back in 1986. He is so funny. It's great to be able to share his material. Well, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for joining us for this special to headliner podcast. Next week, we'll have another great show. Thanks for listening. Bye.

Announcer:

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