Kornhauser, Carfi, & Kurtz...Standup Comedy Show from 1984 Show #192

Here is some standup comedy recorded during a live show from 1984 starring Comic/Magician Mark Kornhauser, also sharing some comedy, John Carfi and Perry Kurtz. I am sharing small parts of each comics act to let you hear how the standup material and audience participation made it a fun night for the Thursday audience.
Mark was Nationally known and was touring with the band "Sha Na Na", John was a writer for Joan Rivers, and Perry Kurtz was the Annual Host for San Francisco's "Exotic Erotic Ball" held every New Years. 

Perry Kurtz, John Carfi, and Mark Kornhauser are recognized figures in the comedy scene, each with their unique style and approach to comedy and magic. Perry Kurtz’s playful, interactive style sets him apart, as he notably incorporates audience suggestions into his performances, showcasing his ability to spontaneously engage and entertain audiences. John Carfi, despite his admiration for fellow performers, is not afraid to make light-hearted observations and jokes about their acts, reflecting his unique blend of comedy and magic that continues to delight audiences. Meanwhile, Mark Kornhauser's successful career as a comic magician emphasizes the importance of creativity and skill in engaging and entertaining audiences, as he showcases his talent for humor and magic in a diverse range of venues. Their perspectives on comedy performers have been shaped by their extensive experience and background in the field, highlighting their understanding of the importance of audience engagement and creativity in creating memorable performances.

00:01:52) 1984 Comedy Show with Diverse Performers

(00:11:36) Unspoken Rules of Club Urinal Encounters

(00:18:05) "Witty Humor and Impressive Illusions Live"

(00:22:01) Chianti Bottle Vanishing Act in Italy

(00:25:30) "Pizza and Kevin: Mind-Reading Comedy Show"

Transcript

0:04

This is another episode of stand up comedy. Your host and MC celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business. Stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. It's stand up comedy time. I have found a show from 1984. I'm going to share some short bits of comedy with you. Closing the show, our headliner was a terrific comic magician out of Los Angeles, California, Mark Cornhauser. Now, I'm only going to do a little bit of his material and a couple of his tricks because, quite frankly, magic doesn't work on a podcast. But, hey, I think it would be fun for you. And I'll explain more later in the featured position. Also out of LA, a regular at the ice house and one, one of the comedy writers for Joan Rivers. A little bit of comedy by John Carfee. But hey, let's jump into it, all right? Stand up comedy by a very funny young guy. He was out of the San Francisco Bay Area. He was a regular at the holy city zoo and the other cafe. But more interesting, he was the annual host of San Francisco's famous exotic erotic ball. That's right. In fact, we booked him as the only stripping comic, and he did not have the body for it, thus the humor. But anyway, I have a little bit of comedy and music from our first act. So let's jump into this strange show with Mark Cornhauser, John Carfy, and right now, some comedy by Perry Kurtz. Well, I want to get started by finding out about you. I want to ask you some questions, and what I need is a response from me. So what I want you to do to respond, because I can't see you. All you have to do to respond to any of these questions is groan. All right, we'll have a practice grown on the count of three. Everybody groan as hard and as long as you can, okay? One, two, three. This guy over here, real relieved already. Good. First question. How many people are seeing me tonight for the first time? You're supposed to groan. It's okay. I'm used to that reaction by now. And how many have seen me before? And they're real pissed about it? Okay. Some people didn't make any noise, so we'll simplify it. How many people are here tonight? Yeah. How many don't know and how many just don't give a shit at this point? Okay. All right. How many people in the past week have had sex? Okay. It's nice the way the couples looked at each other first. One lady over here hiding her face. Evidently, she didn't have any. She's real upset. All right. And how many had sex with somebody else? Okay. Two guys in the center here. All right. Good to have you guys. You guys. You guys aren't gay, are you? Well, sure. Cause if you are, when you leave, we're gonna boil the chairs. Just to be safe, just to make sure. Well, you know, in San Francisco, we've got a lot of those guys that are extremely happy, all right? Thrilled to death. Okay, Fess, the son of a bitches. You know what I'm talking about? And I'm not putting them down, but I think they just opened up a new store down on Caster street. I'm not sure, but I think it's a gay basketball and donut store. It's called the butt slamming dump truck. Too much to believe. Just too much to believe. Oh, boy, this is nice. A lot of good looking people here tonight. And a couple ugly suckers. Nice that you sat as a group, though. We appreciate that. That's real nice. A lot of pretty ladies. I always count on that up here. Sacramento, you got some beautiful women. Beautiful women. And some ugly fucking guys in the background. Good to have you guys. Sounds like we got mongoloids on acid back there. Man vomiting on himself. Lots of fun. Well, let's see what's going on in the news. Well, the biggest thing today is, I guess you heard, the shuttle finally came down after a long mission up there. And they said they're still having problems with the space shuttle. And it seems a major problem they have when they land is if the ceramic tiles seem to keep falling off. So I figured the same guy that built the space shuttle built my bathroom. The only couple people here use the bathroom, know what I'm talking about. You see the ceramic tiles in the bathroom, they fall off. For those of you that have this problem, I found a great solution for this gleam. Toothpaste. One drop sticks those suckers right up on the wall, they don't fall down again. Thing I noticed yesterday, I don't know if you saw this on the news. They had some video coverage of the guys up in Spacelab. And there was a scene where the guy picked up a piece of paper and he lifted it up and he just left it in the air and it stayed there because there's no gravity in space, you know, so things don't move, you know? Also think if you throw something, it'll just keep going forever. So I was wondering, while these guys are up in space. What happens if somebody sneezes? Do they, like, spin around in circles? And what's even worse, what happens if they should ever have sex in space? They're going to have to strap people together because you give one thrust and you're across the cabin. You know, things I think about. New stuff. Not particularly funny yet, but thanks for laughing at the potential. Please tip your waitresses because drugs are expensive for everybody. I got some other facts for you, things you probably didn't know. I've just learned recently that parking meters are designed to speed up in the last five minutes. It's true. Killing turkeys causes winter. Ronald Reagan is descended from royalty. His father was a queen. They knew Jesus was jewish because he was 33 years old. He lived at home, and his mother thought he was God. And Anita Bryan hates homosexuals because when she was in kindergarten, three gay boys tied her up naked and gang rejected her. It's all true, I swear, not making. Any of this shit up. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to do a blues song. Because I have some real bluesy music I found. And I'm going to make it up on your suggestion. I don't know what the song's going to be about. You're going to give me it. So what I need is a suggestion from you. What gives you the blues about life? Take your time. Crime. You're not a criminal, are you? The job corps and crime, kind of the same thing. Kind of close. Well, we'll take those two suggestions, put them together. Who knows what we'll come up with. So if you're ready, just hit the. Tape and let's see what happens. I said, now, sucker tell me what gives you the blues? And the man sitting in the front row with the tie on says, I got the job Corp blues. It seems there's a bunch of guys here in the back. They want a job, you know, they want to cry, they'll take a crime. They want to get off of the streets. They want to run away, but they're. Tired of using their feet. I got the job coral crime blues tonight got the crime blue tonight making feel all right tonight take it, girl I want to get a job and we get our money home we want to get some money so we don't go home alone we all want to get paid and then gone is the weekend we hope that we can get laid it's a crime when you can't get a job. If you don't got no work, you've got no fucks you feel like a slob. I got the job called blues. Got him here tonight. Got a God from fans right here on the right. He said, what gets blues? He says, the crime does fit for me back. They got the job corps to deed bow. Well, that was Perry Kurtz. He was a little bit on the strange side. He was this kind of short, not very good looking guy, but, boy, he liked talking sex and putting himself out there. He was quite the little dancer. Anyway, I didn't share it on the podcast because you can't tell through listening, but he does a little strip tease at the end of his show. Pretty funny stuff for the live audience. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. Hey, coming up right now, a stand up comic out of Los Angeles. He had worked clubs all over the country, did a lot of comedy writing, submitted jokes to the Tonight show. He did some writing directly for Joan Rivers, and regular at the ice house and other clubs down in southern California. Let's have a little comedy from John Carfee. Why do single ladies do this now? There's a lot of people dating and stuff. I'm sure single ladies, you go over their apartment or their house or something. They always do this to us guys. They don't think about us. They always put about four or five inches of this woolen material, like a cover in the back of the toilet bowl seat. Makes it impossible for us guys to. Keep the damn seat up, which is very torturous for us. And what do we wind up doing? One of these? We're peeing, spelling Zora on the bathroom wall, killing several hundred houseplants. Then they come in a half hour later. Where'd the rust come from in here? This is, I think, what it is. See, ladies are spoiled. Ladies have it made. They go into a ladies room. They have their own private little booth. They go. Usually they go together. Anyways, why do women do that? See, they don't even know. We don't know this, but I have a feeling they're in there together going. Okay, a little to the left. So then, okay, right there. That's good for us, guys. We have to do something very embarrassing when we have to go to the bathroom. We have to go up to a urinal up against the wall in a club like this urinal. Another one lined up an inch away. On this side, a urinal. On this side, a urinal over there. It's like six or eight of these urinals lined up. We have to go wee, wee, wee, diddle. We got a wizzo. We had to go. We gotta take a piss with a. Person next to us. We've never even met. Oh. We'Re like cattle. And you can't talk to the guy next to you. Cause there could be a tragedy. What. You got guys behind you wanting to use the same urinal? Come on, asshole. I have 42 beers. You're up there going, no, come on, don't fail me now. Work baseball. Baseball. I hate when you get a guy. Who'S in there, tall as an you. I'll be the tall guy for one. My big chance to be a tall guy. I say some dumb things. I was. This is a dumb thing. You ever hear this? This is silly, stupid things people say. We all do this once in a while. You ever go over someone's house? Like Manson uninvited. And he comes to the door and you say, I come to the door and he's like. You know, you say, hey, Madison, good to see you. Come on inside. But don't look at the inside of the house. It's a mess. Don't look at the inside of the house. It's a mess. Sure, asshole. Now what do I do? Where's your wife? There she is. How you doing? You ever have someone come over your house and say this? This is really dumb. John. Do you have a bathroom? No. We poo poo in a little brown. Box with a cat. He's out. Go ahead, use it. Women make up excuses when guys want to make love. Dumb excuses, but don't get mad. Girls, ready. Weather coming. We're even dumber because we believe these excuses. Honey, wanna have sex? I can't. I'm not that uncle. Watch the game. Thanks, dumb. I was dating a girl. I used to do something very stupid. This is. I don't know why a lot of women do this. Guys even do it sometimes. You're in the car, she's driving. You're sitting in the passenger side. She says, lock the door. Could be robbed or something. Lock that door. Lock it. Could be driving like 80 miles an hour on the. I'm picking shoes and there's no one this athletic. Open the window, lady. Come on. I can run all day. You only gotta hatch out again. And women shop a lot. This is another thing. It's kind of a silly thing for us guys to understand. Women have to shop. They do. My old girlfriend always had a saying. When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. She's always shopping. She has to go. Even if they don't have money or anything, they have to go. Let's go shopping. Middle of the day, no matter what time. Let's go shopping. You're in the store and it's like, look. Oh, oh, look at that. I want that. I want that. I want the whole fucking mall. It's like when they're little babies, it's in their genes. The first thing that comes out of. Their mouth isn't gonna go shopping. Credit. And of course, the guy necklace. Women have to go. They have, this is. I'm living in LA now. They have a lot of weird things. Do they have a four way stop sign out here? You pull up to the corner like, four way, and there's four stop signs. People. I always go up there. People are always sitting at the stop. Sign going, hold on. You're all going. Everybody's like playing a fucking game for a half an hour here. And I figured it out. If I pull up, by law, the. Guy on the right has the right way. He gets to go. The guy on the right of him, though, has the right of way. Technically, he gets to go. And the guy on the right of him, technically, legally, has the right away. So he gets to go. And the guy on the right of him, which is me, I get to go. I'm the guy. Then I thought, I feel bad for the guy on the left, because the guy on the left never gets to go. Bob, you're late for work. I had never been here. I was the guy on the left. I didn't make a U turn. I've been here for fucking week. Or is he pissed? So he sees me and he cuts me off the side of the road. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, that was John Carfy out of Los Angeles, California, where he was a stand up comedy and a comedy writer. In fact, I believe he ended up making most of his career money as a writer versus being a performer. And it was fun to have him at the club back in the day. All right, it's time for our headliner. As I mentioned, I'm only going to share a little bit of his material. Why? Because he was a comic magician. His name was Mark Kornhauser. He was a very successful comic magician, did a lot of tv, worked clubs all over the country. And in this particular case, I'm going to share a little bit of his comedy patter and two of his tricks, one where everyone's seen it. You put a bottle of wine into a brown paper bag, and then, poof, it disappears. And then. But he has a funny presentation, and then he does a little juggling that I'm going to share. And I know you can't really see it, but we've all seen the juggler, so I'm assuming you can imagine what's happening. And what's funny about the juggling bit is that there's four balls, but they're all tied together with a string. So not really juggling and not really magical. Irregardless, here's a little bit of comedy and magic from the headliner of this 1984 show, Mark Kornhauser. We hope you tell your friends and send them in. We have a very special treat. Starting tomorrow night, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, our featured act will be a gentleman by the name of Bill Maher. And if you guys dash right home, he's going to be on the Carson show tonight, mentioning last unlimited, we hope. But he will be on Carson tonight for sure. And if you want to see him and check him out, come back in this week and it'll be a whole different show because Bill Maher will be here and these guys will adjust their show a little bit and it'll be great, like a whole different show coming up in the states. Ladies and gentlemen, our featured act tonight, a very talented gentleman. He has been here before. This is his second time here. We're sorry to say he is leaving this after tonight. But I think you will enjoy his set very, very much. He's a very funny gentleman. He's a comic and a magician. He was just recently, as I mentioned before, up in Harrah's Reno, where he opened for Tony Orlando. He's done a lot of television, a lot of cable shows. He's writing some of his own shows. And he just finished touring the country with Shananna. Ladies and gentlemen, a very nice round of applause. Our featured act tonight and special guest, Mark Kornhauser right here. Mark Pornhauser. Hi. Nice to be here. Well, this is a nice pub, actually. It's one of my favorite clubs. I would say. Before I worked in nice clubs like. This, you know, work in some pretty sleazy clubs. And before sleazy clubs, used to work at children's birthday parties. Children's birthday parties. Used to work at sleazy children's birthday parties. So we got a lot of Italians here today. This is a big italian crowd. Yeah. Italian. You're not italian. You're half, you're half italian. And have what? Chinese. So does it make you Chinalian. Or. Wait a minute, Chinalian or an Italian or something? Really? What's your last name? Dalala. That's the italian name, right? Because it sounds sort of chinese. What's your first name? Lisa. Lisa Delala. No kidding. That's great because you've got, like, oriental eyes, sort of. And you look like you drink a lot. So that was subtle. Well, this, my ex wife was italian. A beautiful girl. Had a big nose. Really? A big nose. Boy, a big nose. They didn't watch tv in Sacramento or how big. How big was it? Well, pudding's last had its own heart and lungs. That's how. Well, this was her favorite trick. This was an italian magic trick. It sent us some italian luggage here. I had the whole set at home. You know, the big one inside a bottle of italian chianti. Bottle of Chianti goes in a bag like this. Now comes a few magic italian words. Wapa, wapa, wapa. The bottle. She's gone. A few more magic italian words. Wapa, wapa. And the bottle. She's back again. How about that, huh? Italian is kind of like this. Try it on your friends. Wapashi gone. Nevermind. I don't gotta do this kind of stuff. I can do it so well. Okay, let's. He can do a little magic. He can tell a few jokes. But the real question is, can he juggle four genuine rubber balls as used by actual children throughout the world? Drum roll, please. For about three people. I don't know why I do that by. Hey. Oh. Training balls. A retail salesperson. Why does everybody who has a little shit job try to, what do you do, George? What do you sell, George? Right through my eyes. But I sense the vibe coming up here of something ugly. You work at cash what store? Or just like on the street or what are you doing? Freelance cashier. You're a cashier at a retail store? At Job Corps. At Job Corps. I'm not sure what you're talking about, George, but I wouldn't quit that job if you've got one already. I don't think they're a lot more available. Just like the one you've got. Hold on to the job, all right? I'm sure you're very good at it, George. I'm not trying to impute your intelligence or your dignity, but I don't know what you're talking about. No? What are you? I'm curious. Half Japanese, half american Japanese can buy at the grocery store. I think I've offended about 400 million people this evening. Okay. So, uh, and what do you do for. I forgot your name. Brad. Yeah. What do you do for a living, Brad? I wait tables. And I. A retail salesperson. Wouldn't you know it? The mulatto is a combination of these two. Isn't that nice how that worked out? That's interesting. Now, I suspect he's a transvestite as well, because that would make sense somehow. It'd fit into the sting. But probably not. You wait tables in your retail cash person as well. I don't care that much. Miller's outpost sunrise is. Hate to say, if a miller's outpost that sells blue jeans get a much better response than Vince's, there are no rich people here. I see. And these people will be coming on to Vince's real soon. Yeah. All right, well, let's try experiment in mind reading here. Working with limited facilities. I remember that. All right, we'll begin back here, George. George. What's George? All right. Doesn't look good when a mountain viewer can't remember a name, does it? I don't know, George. I really can't see bear because the lights are red. Mine. No, it's okay. You are wearing a hunting jacket, aren't you? Or something? It's a sweat jacket. Oh. But it's that set hunting, you know, so that no deer shooter will accidentally shoot you tonight. It's a good idea. Okay. George, do you have some favorite food that you get a real good third picture of in your mind? Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Didn't hear him say yeah. All right, I want you to concentrate on the food. Okay, George. Cause I'm gonna write my prediction on this pad of paper here. They just concentrate on the food itself. Good, clear picture. Almost seem to smell the food. I think I have it. I've written my prediction on the sheet of paper. I'll fold it up. I'll place it over here out of harm's lane. Now, for the first time, George will announce everybody the name of that food. Pizza. Pizza. That's correct. Okay, what's the name? Cause of the connection with the wife. I can't. Little freudian thing. The word bitch keeps coming in. Nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you. Freud. The wife. Cheryl. Okay, see? No. Christy, how many wives have you had? Come on up here. Will you help me on? All right. Christy. That's right. Christy. Did you go to your high school? Senior prom, Christy? No. No. This guy's pissed off. Cause he didn't go either. And he sort of likes you. I think he's alone again. See, all these girls are staying home. All right, do you remember the name of the young man with whom you had your first meaningful relationship? Yes. You do? Okay, I want you to concentrate on his name. Don't change your mind. Okay, if it was more than one, just give it a name for the whole gang. Even you recognize that was in bad taste. Me, too. As I said it, I thought. No. All right, think of the name. Okay, I think I have it. I've written my prediction on this sheet of paper again. I'll fold it up again. I'll place it over here, out of arms. Right now for the first time. Christy, please announce everybody the name of that young man. Kevin. That's correct. Okay, now, Brad. Well, it should be a combination of the first two questions. Probably some person you know. That wouldn't be right, wouldn't it? Yeah, I was aware of the implication. Brad, you do know your astrological sign, your zodiacal sign, assuming you were born on a single day. You know what it is. Concentrate on that sign. Don't change your mind. Okay, I'm the right line. Prediction. The sheet of paper. I think I have it. I've written my prediction in this sheet of paper. I'll fold it up again, place it over here. Out of harmful. Now, for the first time, please, Brad, announce everybody the name of that sign. Just so happens I'm on the cusp of cancer. And Leo, two signs. So which are you, though? You. One or the other, though? You're the cancer. You're the cancer. So you're June 23. Oh, July. All right, well, I thought I'd take a stab when you get it right. It's very impressive. So we're calling that cancer, is that right? Cancer. The moon child. All right, all right, let's see how we did. We'll begin with the easiest one, the astrological sign. His astrological sign was cancer. The sign which I predicted was his astrological sign. Ladies and gentlemen, the greek sign for cancer, background is Brad, right? Yes, it is. Thank you so much. Some of you don't know Greek. Not my fault. Your favorite food? Pizza. Pizza. The food which I predict was your favorite food. Pizza. Really? Ladies, you wouldn't be applauding. You'd be on your knees. But Christy, the name of the Emanuel. You had your first meaningful relationship with the name Kevin. The name of the Eman predict. You had your first meeting, Kevin. Thank you. Please, please, please. Just a magic trick. Had it been an actual miracle, you'd have been notified as to what to do. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was just a little bit of comedy by our headliner back in 1984, Mark Kornhauser out of Los Angeles. Well, tell you what, kind of an eclectic show we had. Perry Kurtz from the exotic erotic ball. We had John Carfy from the ice house and just finishing things up, comic magician Mark Kornhauser. Hey, thanks for listening to this podcast. I hope you're telling your friends and family, rate us if you get a chance. And next week we'll be back with another great interview of a professional entertainer. All right, thanks for listening. Bye. We hope you enjoyed this episode of stand up comedy. Your host, an emcee. For information on the show, merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhostandmc.com. Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near.