"Party of Ten" Standup Comedy by 10 Amazing Comics! Show #218

Wow! This was a fun show to edit, I found some old tapes of acts that worked for me back in the early 90's...many of whom you may not recognize; but all Hilarious!
On this show, there are short comedy sets by: Jake Johannsen, John Henton, Wendy Liebman, Kevin Meany, Dennis Blair, Lew Schnieder, John Mendoza, Bill Hicks, and Alan Havey. Really, loads of talent on this show...Enjoy!

Comedy routines about family dynamics and tight pants offer rich material for humor, as they tap into relatable experiences and cultural quirks that resonate with a wide audience. The announcer finds humor in the absurdity of celebrities like Prince and Michael Jackson, and he amusingly reflects on his strict parents disapproving of tight pants, adding a personal touch to his routine. His perspective highlights the comedic gold in everyday situations and societal norms. On the other hand, R. Scott Edwards brings a diverse range of personal anecdotes to his comedy, from shopping at Sears to his experiences as a taxi driver and secretary, often employing self-deprecating humor. Together, these comedians create a tapestry of humor that is both relatable and entertaining, showcasing their unique styles and experiences.

00:17:19) "Absurd Family Rules: Big Pants Only"

(00:20:15) A Dinner Date Evoking Nostalgic Memories

(00:24:01) "The Comedy of Technological Fiascos"

(00:29:14) "Quitting Smoking with Comedic Willpower Insights"

(00:36:25) Amusing Encounters: Dating an Older Woman

(00:38:39) Humorous Perspectives: Stand-Up Comedy Showcase

(00:40:06) Diverse Stand-Up Comedy Showcase Podcast

Transcript

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This is another episode of stand up comedy. Your host and MC celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business. Stories, interviews, and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards. Hi, and welcome to this week's podcast. Today we have a really fun, fast paced set of stand up comedy for you. A party of ten. That's right where me and nine comics bring you a lot of great entertainment, but in fast machine gun style. I've got some great short bits from some comics that were very popular back in the early nineties. And I know you'll recognize a lot of these names, but there's nine of them. So instead of telling you all about them, we're just going to work our way through them. And our first set closes with Wendy Liebman. Boy, was she a funny gal. Wendy Liebman was one of the big headliners back in the early nineties. She's going to be closing this first set of comics. We also have John Hinton, who worked my club a couple times. Very funny young guy. And starting things off. A guy that was a regular at my club came out of the Bay area and went on to some national fame. Jake Johansson. So, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a party of ten, and let's kick it off with Wendy Liebman, Jon Hinton, and Jake Johansson. I've been having troubles with my toaster lately. As if everything else wasn't bad enough, I got the automatic pop up thing, went bad on it. So you put the toast in, then push the lever. Well, technically, you don't put toast in the toaster. I mean, if I had toast, I wouldn't need the toaster, so. Exactly. I put bread, key ingredient of toast, into the toaster. And, well, I'm proud. I don't even have to look at the recipe anymore. So I put the bread in there, and the thing that's broken is the automatic pop up, which is the first thing to go bad on the toaster, not counting the darkness control knob, because I don't think that's hooked up to anything from the beginning. You know, that's like some kind of fisher price control that they put on this. I'm making the toast darker. No, you're nothing. They might as well put a steering wheel on the toaster. I'm driving to work, so I get the bread in there, and then I try and time it. I go off in the other room and put my socks on or some toast hunt task, because I don't know exactly how long it takes to make toast. Except that it's definitely longer than. It's interesting to stare into a toaster. For me. Anyway, once the wires get orange, it show's over. So I'm in the other room, put my socks on, and I get all distracted by my feet, you know, this little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. I love that song. I forget all about the toast until I smell smoke coming from the kitchen. I run in, and there's fire coming out of the toaster. Which is kind of a surreal sight to see flames coming out of those slots. And yet I felt strangely calm, because really, at that point, there's no scraping the toast. I, once the bread ignites, pretty much have to start over. So I extinguished the fire. And then I tried to fix the toaster, which I don't know why I thought I could fix a toast. It was a guy thing. I thought, I'm a guy. I can fix it. I'm bigger than it. So I go right for the screws on the bottom. And they know that's right where you're going. Cause they put that warning on that. Don't take these screws out. Obviously, that's for someone else. Get the toaster open. And I realize I have no idea what I was hoping to find in there. It looks like a shoelace untied. Maybe I could fix that snowman with his hat blown off. Let me get that for you, little fella. That must have been it. So it's neither one of those things. So I have to go to buy a new toaster. To the toaster store, where the salesman, of course, wants me to buy the biggest toast machine he's got, right? The v eight rocket toaster. Way more toaster than I need. His next step was to try and sell me the eight slice toaster. Like I'm gonna have the Brady bunch over for toast. Here's a story. They all wanted their toast the exact same time. When do you need eight slices of toast? No, I tell them I don't want that. And then finally, he sells me the toaster for me, which was a one slice toaster. About a foot long, but an extra wide, too, in case they invent some new kind of bread. I don't have to upgrade my toaster just cause, you know, the Japanese are working on some new bread right now to make our toasters obsolete. They're over there with the white loaf, high resolution toast. I like Prince's music. But the guy. You like Prince. I love Prince. But the guy just so damn strange. Me, I'm just like my mother. Yeah, a bit too much like your mama for me. Hossing, put a little bass in your voice. Act like your daddy or something. Cause he always running around. Never like wearing clothes, watching MTV awards. Prince come out in a yellow jumpsuit, ass hanging all out the back. That is so wrong. And if you see him, tell him maybe he don't know. I never forget. I went down. He not like, went. I saw him down. We went out of the public hall, and Prince came out with some bikini panties, high heeled shoes, and a raincoat on. And me and the crew, we wasn't ready for this. Cause the announcer was like, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage prince. We're like, yeah, prince. That's my boy. That's my old look. He got panties on. She wasn't ready for that. See, that's the thing, man. You listen to music now. They don't have no masculine styles. You got a little prince bouncing around. Then you got old Michael Jackson. Somebody got to help that boy. All that plastic surgery on his head, skin lightened up, cleft in his chin, long, luxurious hair. Hey, I ain't gay or nothing, but Mike look good. Hey, like I said, I ain't gay or nothing, but damn it, if I went to jail, I want Mike to be my butt buddy. I'm telling you. Come on, come on. See, that's the thing. You got all this new stuff out, man, and it's cool. You got these little young kids out, man. They got Kris Krohn, they got ABC, another bad creation. Little boy walk around. I swing my beat at the playground. You know what I'm saying? You know, I'm thinking, kids six years old should not be this damn cool. Little boy walking around with a beeper on. Like, who the hell gonna beep him? Nobody but his mama. Trying to bring his black ass home. Dumb stuff, man. I see a lot of dumb stuff, man. Traveling around. That's the best part about the job. Dumbest thing I've ever seen, man, reading in the paper. Martin Luther King Day, national holiday, right? Still not celebrated by two states. And I'm thinking, like this here, you got to be prejudiced as hell not to take a day off of work. Cause it could be the Ku Klux Klan day. Guess where I'll be? Sitting? At the pass, smoking the joint. Grand wizard here to your punk ass. I don't give a shit. Don't bother me. Then you gonna see them dumb people, too. Man, I was over in Hawaii. Just get finished with a show get back to the hotel, jump on the elevator. I see a family. I don't know where they from. North Dakota, South Dakota. One thing I do know, they never saw a black man before in their life. Everybody nervous and I sense detention. So I'm trying to make a little conversation now. The kid got tennis shoes with designs on. I say, my man, what's that on the shoe? He says, ninja. I say, what? And his parents thought that. I thought he had said the special n word. They're like, no, no. Ninja. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Don't kill him. Black man. He's our only son. Sub my discover card. Cause they said nobody took that anyway. Except Sears. Who shops there? I do. I actually, I bought a tractor. I also came in a big box. I also got this jacket at Sears. And these aren't shoulder pads if you're wondering. They're maxi pads. I feel fashionable and fresh. And I also, they have wings and everything. The women knew what I meant by that, right? And some of the guys I love, I love this job because the audience is like this. Also, I used to be a secretary, and I used to call him sick a lot. I said I had female problems, right? Like, my boss didn't know I meant her. Bitch. I was so bored. I was bored. I'd spent all day filing my nails. And I also had to type. I typed like 20 words a day. I was like, so pathetic. And the woman next to me typed 85 words a minute, like really fast. She had to wear a seatbelt type word I had in Arabic. And after, after that job, after I quit and got fired, after that job, I drove a taxi for like a year. And I didn't pick people up or anything. I just really needed a cardinal. Now I do comedy full time. I'm also a writer. You know, I write checks. And they're actually mostly fiction. I love to write, like poetry and short stories. And when I was growing up, I had a pen pal. I wrote to her once a week for 14 years till she wrote back and she said, stop. I should. Well, she sent me a telegram. It said, stop, stop. But I should. It's my favorite joke. I should stop eating. I've been eating everything. So today, finally, I went running. I had to, you know, because the ice cream truck was going 60. I needed a lift to the bakery. So I'm at the bakery, right? And I'm standing in line waiting my turn. This really cute guy was flirting with me. Funny. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. And then I had to take a new one. And I thought, thanks for your sympathy. I know I'm not fat, but I'll always feel that way because since I was really little, my parents used to stuff me with, like, cookies and candy. I don't think they wanted a child. I think they wanted a pinata. I hated that stick. But I actually. And I'm scared of heights. But this is my first time in Montreal. They put me up in a hotel with a mirror on the ceiling. But I think it's a two way. Cause people upstairs are laughing. I actually. Maybe they're here. I drove in from the airport and I thought I would hit a lot of traffic, you know, but I only hit like two cars on the train. I am like the worst driver, I must tell you. I recently got into an accident with one of these houses on a truck. Have you seen them? They were like, trying to move a house. Like, what are these people too lazy to pack? There's a house that was coming at me. I'm flashing my brights, beeping my horn. Nobody was home. I didn't know what to do. I pulled into the garage. I, like, sat there. And. There was a Witness. Jehovah's Witness. Then I was. Then I was behind this BMW. Beautiful car, right? Had one of these bumper stickers with that Nike slogan on it. Said, just do it right. So I hit him and I knocked the phone right out of his hand. Man, that Wendy Liebman is hilarious. And I know you enjoyed Jon Hinton and Jake Johansson as well. All right, let's keep this party of ten moving right along. Coming up in just a bit, a guy that did a lot of his work on the east coast. And before him, we're going to have the very funny comedy and music of Dennis Blair. In fact, I just did a show with him in April, so he's still out beating the stage boards. We have Lou Schneider, Dennis Blair, and coming up right now, the very funny Kevin Meaney. Now, Kevin is a strange guy. He came out of San Francisco, worked my club several times. He had such a funny way to approach his comedy. I think it's going to surprise you a bit, but let's jump into this. So we have closing up this series, Lou Schneider, Dennis Blair. And right now, please welcome to the stage one of our regulars, Kevin Meaney. Thank you very much. My name is Kevin Meaney. God, my eye. Gonna poke my eye out. I don't believe it. If my mother was here, that's what she'd be saying. You're doing that on purpose. Taking the microphone poking your eye out. That's not right. You're like a crazy person getting on stage, poking your eye out. The other comedians aren't poking their eyes out. Why do you have to do things like that? Why do you do this to your father and I? You're like a mental case on stage, taking the microphone, poking your eye out. You know, one of these days you are gonna poke your eye out. One of your crazy comedian friends is gonna put a needle in that microphone. Then it's gonna be real funny, isn't it? Walking around with one eye. God, that's not right. I don't think you wanna see. You probably have your one eye jokes already written. Anything in my house could poke an eye out. When I was a kid, be passing pizza across the table. You're gonna take your brother's eye out with that slice. Now put your goggles on and go to bed. I. And stop rolling around up there, rolling all night. You're like a crazy person in the bed all night long with the rolling. Your brothers don't roll. Your pop doesn't roll. You're like a mental case in the bed all night long. Rolling, rolling, rolling. You're gonna fall out of that bed and poke your eye out. That's not right. I stop your clapping. That will just encourage him. He's gonna roll out of that bed and sue us, and we're gonna lose the house. My parents used to always say that. We're gonna lose the house. Anything could lose the house. You're taking the car out at night. You're not taking that car out tonight, mister. No way. Not in this big snowstorm. You're gonna take it out, smash it up into somebody. Somebody's gonna sue us and we're gonna lose the house. Those are my plans exactly. Tonight, Mother. Yes. Thank you, God. They were crazy, not me. We couldn't wear tight pants growing up in my family. You're not wearing those tight pants out tonight, mister. Get upstairs and put your big pants on. Going outside with tight pants on. We're big pant people. Get up to your room and put your big pants on. The Lobermans are coming over. Your brother doesn't wear tight pants. Stop it. Your father doesn't wear tight pants. Stop it. Get that knife out of your hand. Coming towards your mother with a knife. You're gonna take my eye out with that bitch. God. That's not right. God. And parents use expressions that you never heard of before in your life. You know, they always say to you, get that puss off your face. You're not walking around this house with a big plus on. I had no idea what they were talking about. If I'd be on my way to school, my mother would say, get that puss off your face. You're not going to school with that big puss on your face. If I'd go into school, I'd ask my teacher, sister Damian, do I have a big puss on my face? Get to the principal's office. I go home and I tell this to my mother. Nobody gets sent to the principal's office for saying that. Get up to your room and get those tight pants off. That's why you were sent to the principal's office. You're like a crazy person going to school with tight pants on. That's not right. Is he gonna use this voice all night? Yes, I am. You can say anything in a country song. Get away with it. Cause it's so darn pretty. Lail's Ned, kick the dog across the kitchen. I threw the kitten down the laundry chute. Tomorrow I'm gonna beat you while you're sleeping. Hey. That's my way of saying I love you. Yee ha. We call that country punk. Featuring your favorite stars like crystal Gale. Don't know when I finish a bill, no, no, what's come over you? But it's got me down? My dog just made my blue shoes brown, Glen Campbell. But now my life just ain't so funny? Cause I ain't making any money? So I'm gonna do what I've always wanted to do? I'll be a pimp on Broadway Johnny cash. We'll hear the trainer coming. It's rolling around the bend? And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when? Cause my head stuck up my ass now. Sorry. Didn't mean for you to hear that. That album is not sold in stores. They always say that. Those late night album commercials, they would say, not sold in stores. Like you should be surprised. Come out with these albums you'd run right out and buy if you had a chance, you know? Yes. Luciano Pavarotti sings the greatest hits of the Beatles yesterday. All of my troubles are seemed so far away. Hey, Jordan. Donna, let me down. Slim Whitman, number one singer in England. What the hell are they listening to over there? Who's your favorite singer? Oh, wheelock. Slim Whitman. Best or the magic of Zom fear. Master of the pan flute. How'd you become master of the pan flute? Well, I'm the only person in America who plays the damn thing. Those commercials are on late at night, thank God, with those bonanza reruns. I love bonanza. Got that great theme song, you know, got no words, so you can make up your own words. Why is a show about cowboys called Bonanza? And why are four adult cowboys living at home with their dad? So I don't live here, obviously. I live in New York City. Lived there for about four and a half years. And it's been a big period of adjustment. I was first victimized 28 days after I moved there. They broke into my car 28 days after I'd arrived. And I'm freaking, I'm standing on the street screaming, I've been here 28 days. My car gets broken into. What the hell's going on here? Well, the way it was explained to me is they have a lot of cars to break into. They get to them as fast as they possibly can. Sometimes you are just going to have to wait the 28 days. If you ever go to New York, you'll understand that this is a truism. What you have they will take. That's a simple rule for living in Manhattan or visiting. What you have they will eventually take from you. So don't think in terms of having and owning and possessing when you go up to visit, because you'll just be heartbroken when you get ripped off. The things in my apartment, those aren't things that I own. Those are things that I'm holding onto till they get there to pick them up. Now, the cops explained that to me. They said, look, they're not after you. It's not you. What they want to do is get to you so that they can get your stuff and then quickly sell it so that they can get the money to buy what, ladies and gentlemen? Drugs. What drug in particular? I heard it here. Crack. Exactly. Crack. That's what they want. If they get the crack, they're happy. So what I do to protect my investments, I just buy the crack. My compact disc player is broken. Now we have the old style compact disc player, the kind that just plays the one disc. Now they play how many? There's five. Who can plan five discs into the future? You know, that's so long. By the time you get to disc number five, that band broke up a long time ago. The way the old style disc player worked, or is supposed to work is you hit the button, the thing slides out. You put the disc on, you hit the button again, the thing slides back in. Music plays not ours. What happens with ours is you hit that button and the thing just goes zip, zip, zip. Zip. That's how long it stays out there. If I've had one beer, I'm too loaded to play a compact disc. I simply don't have the speed and coordination necessary to get that disc onto that tray in that nanosecond of time. It's like a trap shooting contest. I have to hold the disc and yell, pull. My wife hits the button. I'm like, you know what else? My vacuum cleaner doesn't suck. How's that for ironic? The one appliance in your world that you would hope to have suck. Nothing. And I love to vacuum, let me tell you that. Because I'm a big hockey fan. I actually like to vacuum in the Zamboni pattern. I'm actually like. So the other day, I'm out there vacuuming, okay? And there's a little piece of paper on the edge of the carpet. So I vacuum over it doesn't pick up. Vacuum over again, doesn't pick up. Vacuum over again, doesn't pick up. What do I do now? I kick that piece of paper out into the middle of the carpet to give myself a better run at it. All right, I got that baby teed up. So now I mean business. I'm over it back and forth about eight or nine times. What did I finally do? Still doesn't pick up. Pick up that piece of paper, pick up the vacuum cleaner nozzle and hand feed. Like I could somehow interest the beast in food. Oh, you're hungry now, big fella, aren't you? I don't understand technology. I have no idea how remote control television works. That's beyond me. Let me just swear to you people that I've never touched my remote control set with my bare hands. I've needed to. I've been right here at the set needing to make an adjustment, and I'm like, where's the thing? Give me the thing. Give me the thing. Sometimes I'm right here. Here's the set. Here's me. I'm two inches away. I'm not even remote. I'm actually moat. I'm too close. Have you ever been too close to the set? To get the channels to change and the volume to go up and down, you have to search for that little television g spot. You're like, ah, there you are. How does that work? How does remote control work? You're back here, right? You press buttons. Not there. Results occurred. Magic. It's the work of elves and fairies, truly. You hit the button, the little electric fairies come dancing out. Boom. Hit the button. Thank you for laughing. That's important right there. I'm not pimping you for applause, but I'm just saying that that emotionally, is the turning point of the show. If I get the laughter there, I'm fine. But when there's no laughter, it starts to go. Because imagine how stupid I feel doing that goddamn elf dance up and back with complete silence. Terrible. That was Lou Schneider out of New York, and before him, we had Kevin Meaney and Dennis Blair with his comedy music. Man, I hope you're enjoying this as much as me. We're two thirds away through our party of ten and lots of great stand up comedy. All right, coming up in the next section. Closing it. He's a little more risque than some of my regular acts, but the very funny Alan Havey coming up before him, a guy that worked my club several times, sadly, we lost him to cancer. But a very funny guy, stand up comic bill Hicks. And to kick things off, here's a guy that got a start in the San Francisco Bay area, but ended up working a lot of tv and clubs all over the country. Let's get into some great stand up comedy with John Mendoza. How many people here are stupid? It's good to be stupid. Takes a lot of pressure off. You do something wrong. What are you, stupid? Yeah. There's moments when you feel stupid. They call the operator up and you ask for someone's phone number, you go, how do I spell their name? I don't know. You're the one with a shitty job. I called the operator the other day to get a phone number. She said, my computer's down. I said, do you have a phone book? Sorry to make you get off your fat ass, bitch. I think it's time to take instructions off of shampoo, if you haven't figured it out by now. Oh, wet my head first, started smoking again. They saved you. Smoking knocks off ten years of your life. It's the last ten. So what do you miss? The drooling years. It's too bad you can't pick those ten. Well, take 70, 73, 884. And I'll take the last three. And a gift certificate. Do we have many smokers in the room? All right. Smoke a lot? Yeah. Really? Pack a day? Two packs a day? No, no. Pack a day. Wow. You wear a seatbelt in a car? Yeah. Yeah, why? You ever try and stop smoking? Yeah, it's tough. How long did you last a nap? Oh, that's a good hour. I'll have a cigarette. This is tough. One time I stopped smoking to use pot as a replacement. It was great. It was up to 600 joints a day. Couldn't find a cigarette if I wanted to. They have a new operation now for people want to stop smoking, they shorten their arms. Spacey willpower. That's what it comes down to. You know what willpower is? That's when you're walking down the street and a midget walks past you and you don't look back. You might not laugh now, but next time a midget walks past, you son of a bitch. Before midgets have sex, do they have two play? I was with this girl the other night. She said four plays should take 90 minutes. I said, 90 minutes. Does that include the drive over? My thanksgiving dinner didn't intake. 90 minutes. You better have a buffet bar in your ass when I get there. How many smokers do we have here tonight? Smokers. It's a lot of energy for you fuckers. That's good. Usually you get. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Next time I need you, just hawk up a chunk of lung for me. All right? Rear back. Launch a flim jim towards the stage. But listen to this. How many non smokers do we have here? Bunch of whining little maggots. You obnoxious, self righteous slugs. Don't take that wrong. I'd quit smoking if I didn't think I'd become one of you. You are the worst advertisement for non smoking, you know that? Tell you, the worst kind of non smoker is the kind where you're smoking. They just walk up to you. I always say, shit, you're lucky you don't smoke. It's a hell of a cough you got there, dude. I smoke all day. And don't cough like that. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow, that's kind of cruel, man. Go up to a smoker and coughing at him. Shit. You go up to crippled people dancing too, you fucks. Wheelchair. What's the problem? Come on, ironside, race ya. Fucking sadist. Obnoxious, self righteous sadist. Don't take that wrong. But you gotta understand something. First of all, I don't do anything else, all right? Now, I don't drink. Now, a lot of you non smokers are drinking, okay? I'm a non drinker and I smoke. Now to me, we're trading off vices. That seems fair to me. Yeah. No, it's not. Why should our lives be threatened by your nasty habit? Yeah, but you know what? I can't kill anyone in a car. Cause I'm smoking a fucking cigarette, all right? And I've tried. Turn off all the lights. Rush them. They always see the glow. Man. There's a big firefly heading this way. Shit. It's knocking over shrubs. It's me, coming in for the kill. Like I said, I don't drink anymore. I had to quit because I really drank. Kay kay. And I was really fucking pathetic. Kay Kay. Shit, man. I'd get pulled over by the cops. I'd be so drunk, I'd be out dancing to their lights, thinking I'd made it to another club. I mean. And younger women are kinky. I mean. No, they are. You're laughing. No, no, 19. Okay, all right, again, I'll use myself as an example. About three months ago, I'm in San Diego. Make love this. And blonde hair, leather outfit, great body. I'm a people person. And, you know, we made love, and it was great. About 20 minutes later, I was ready again, you know, statistically. And she says. She says to me, she goes, let's get kinky. I said, well, you know, I'm really not into kinky sex. I'm not. As long as I have my clothes off and I'm in bed, jeepers, I'm happy. And she's going. She goes. She goes, no, let's get kinky. I said, well, what? You're the milkmaid on the farmer. I gotta get a hoe in a hat? What? What? No. She goes, no. I want you to be my master. I want to be your slave. Make me do something. And if I don't do it, spank me. So I sent her out for a pizza. Oh, anchovies. Naughty girl. Naughty girl. No, if you've never been out with them on 35 to 45, you got to know what's happening. This is a totally different thing. Their orgasms are incredible now. You know. I mean. No, no. This guy knows. Married men know this. Now, I. Once again, and I hate to do this, I'll have to use myself as an example. I was 23, 24 years old. I first moved to New York. A party there. My first week, I met this woman at a party. 37 years old, jewish and attorney, like, all. First for me. And, you know, we're talking. She said to me, would you like to go out sometime? I said, well, yeah, I'm going outside after, you know, the party. She said, no, no. Would you like to go out and have dinner? I said, well, yeah, I could afford you. Take you to wiener world, you know. She goes, no, I want to take you out. It was very hip at that time. Older women, younger men. Donahue be there. So, you know, I said, yeah, yeah. Okay. So we went out to this beautiful restaurant, you know, napkins, silverware, everything, and had a great dinner. You know, at the end of dinner, had brandy, and I never had brandy before, so I don't know what to do. So I'm. I pretend I'm Sebastian cabot. You know, I'm just kind of rolling it around, you know, it hits the flames. There's a fire. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The firemen leave, and she says, what do you want to do after dinner? I said, I don't know. What do you want to do? When I was expecting that verbal volleyball. What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want? She said, let's go back to my place. Went, yeah, yeah. I wasn't expecting that. You know. So I go back to her apartment. Beautiful New York apartment. This, you know, this apartment had, like, other rooms, you know? And a bed. That's always a bed. You know, it doesn't fold out. It was amazing. It was a bedroom, a room for a bed. It was amazing. So we're on her couch, and we're kissing, and it's amazing. She's 37. I mean, I'm 23, 24. Listen to me now. And I start unbuttoning her blouse. And that's when the little game's beginning. You know, that little feigned resistance. Stop. She doesn't mean it, but stop. Yeah, you're laughing cause you've pulled this shit before, baby. So I stop, and she goes, oh, stop. And I take her blouse off. She has jeans on. She has a teddy on now. I'm trying to take it off, but I don't realize it's connected underneath. So I'm yanking this stuff, and she's like. I'm thinking, my God, she's having an orgasm. I gotta go there and take credit for this. She's going, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. I said, no, my name is Alan. Alan, Alan. I take it off. We're making love, and it's incredible. Her heels are banging me on the head, you know, my childhood is coming back. The land o lakes, ladies roaming by, Aunt Jemima with a stack of buttermilks. But take my advice. If she's between 35 and 45 and you start to hear that, grab onto the saddle horn, wrap the rawhide around your hand. You're there for the fucking ride, man. You're like a pilot fish on a whale. You're not going anywhere. See, men have an orgasm and it's over. They know when they're done. Men have an orgasm, the bus stops, you get out, the ride is over. Women that age, you don't know when they're done. They don't know when they're done. Nobody knows when they're done. They will shake and shiver on the bed like a car with bad gasoline after you turn the engine on. Well, that was Allen Heavy. He's a little on the dirty side, but boy, he sure pleased the audiences and did a lot of great stand up comedy before him. Somebody that had a really strong personality kind of hit the audience right between the eyes. Bill Hicks, and opening things up, John Mendoza. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was it. A party of ten. I know you enjoyed it. Got some great laughs out of that fast paced set. It's so fun to find these recordings and bring them to you once again. We had Jake Johansson, Jon Hinton, Wendy Liebman, Kevin Meaney, Dennis Blair, Lou Schneider, John Mendoza, Bill Hicks, and Alan Havey. Wow, what a lineup. That's amazing, man. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. This has been so much fun. We'll see you back next week with one of our interview shows. Hey, thanks for listening. And check out our other short form comedy podcast, comedy appetizers available on all platforms where all your stand up comedy comes in five minute chunks. Comedy appetizers. All right, we'll see you next week. Bye. We hope you enjoyed this episode of stand up comedy. Your host NMC. For information on the show, merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhostandmc.com. look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near.