Jack Mayberry & Jay Leno "Live on Stage" Show #244

Two great standup comics...Jack Mayberry and Jay Leno share some very funny comedy material, recorded live on stage. Jack talks about getting lost and traveling with his Grandpa, and Jay shares some funny material about flying...so sort of a "Travel" episode...Ha!

Jack Mayberry and Jay Leno are two stand-up comedians who have made significant contributions to the world of comedy with their distinct styles and perspectives. Jack Mayberry, hailing from Lubbock, Texas, is known for his storytelling and observational humor that often incorporates personal anecdotes and social commentary, engaging audiences with topics like politics and the absurdity of capital punishment. In contrast, Jay Leno, with over four decades of experience, has charmed audiences with his witty takes on everyday life and current events, gaining fame as the host of The Tonight Show and for his collaboration with R. Scott Edwards on stage shows. Together, Mayberry’s dark humor and social insights combined with Leno’s classic wit and observational comedy create a dynamic and engaging experience for comedy fans, each offering their unique lens on the world around us.
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(00:01:35) Navigational Misadventures with Jack Mayberry

(00:03:46) "Granddad's Driveway Reminiscences: A Family Comedy"

(00:09:03) Southern Charm vs Quick Wit: Stand-up Duos

(00:14:53) "Jay Leno's Comedic Take on Marketing"

Transcript

Announcer: 0:04

This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy. Your host and emcee celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous, here's your host and emcee, Scott Edwards.

R. Scott Edwards: 0:22

Hi and welcome back to the podcast. Hey everybody, we have another terrific couple sets of stand up comedy I know you'll enjoy. Both these guys were regulars at my club, worked for me many, many times and have had some great success in stand up comedy coming up later on. In closing this particular podcast show is somebody I'm sure you've heard of, Jay Leno. That's right, he was a star of the Tonight Show. He has had many, many of his own shows, appeared in movies. I did stage shows with him, concerts with him. The history with Jay goes, well, I have a short set I know you'll enjoy coming up later on from my buddy Jay Leno. But hey, right now, out of Lubbock, Texas, a very funny guy. He had some huge success as a stand up comic. He did a little bit of tv, but you probably wouldn't have remembered seeing it. But a terrific stand up comedy and here's a couple great bits of his that is certain to make you smile. So Jay Leno coming up later on. And right now, the comedy of Jack Mayberry.

Jack Mayberry: 1:35

I get lost constantly. If I was a whale, I'd be beached. You know that I could fly into any major city in this country, rent a car and in five minutes be lost in the worst section of town. They told me this because they put the airports in the worst section of town, which doesn't make me feel any better. That means I'm not getting very far before I'm getting lost. And I hate being lost. Because when you're lost, you're the idiot. You know, you don't know what you're doing and everybody else knows what they're doing. They're all behind me going, you idiot, don't you know where you're going? There's the idiot. I'm up there going, nope, I have no idea where I'm going. Why, hell, I don't even know where I've been. Moved out to la. They were shooting idiots out there for a while. That'll certainly sharpen your driving skills right there, pal. Shortest point from A to B is a zigzag pattern. Got so bad when I first moved out here, they'd taken the metering lights out of the freeway systems. They just had a guy at the top of every entrance ramp that would holler, pull and you would drive off into traffic. Tough. I'm not kidding. People shooting and shifting at the same time. I got lost in Hawaii. That is a hell of a place to be lost. You ever been there? Couldn't even pronounce the names of the towns. I was lost in there. I'm on the phone with people going, I'm in Hana, Hana, Hoonahuna. I don't know where the hell I am. Trace this call. Come get me, man, help me here. That place had a sale on vowels, didn't he? I had consonant, for Pete's sake. Almost went into epileptic seizure trying to pronounce a name to these places. Yeah, we're in Kanahana. We went into one town over there. Nobody in the car was in. Could figure out what the name of the town we were in was. We went into a restaurant to get something to eat and the waitress came over and I said, would you tell us how you pronounce the name of this place and would you say it real slowly? And she looked at me and said, dairy Queen. My granddad, he's lived there so long, he knows where everything didn't used to be. Ever drive around with somebody who knows where everything didn't used to be? That's my granddad. He's the guy. From the minute you get in the car, he's going to be over on the passenger side over there going, hey, you know, when I first moved here, there wasn't anything out there. What do you think? Hell from there all the way around there? I'd say hell all the way up, all the way over to there, man. Here? Really? I wasn't even here. There wasn't nobody here. Yeah, but I'm sitting there thinking, get out of the car, we're still in the driveway. That's cuz he's old. That's how you get to be old, remembering things. You know, more you remember, the older you get. You keep Remembering that bathtubs 120v don't go together. You'll never blow dry your hair in the shower. Don't forget that one time. You're out of here at 20 to. Everybody remembers that. I bet even God sits around with Jesus sometimes going, you know, Jesus, when I first moved here, there wasn't anything out there. Cuz I know a lot. My granddad knew a lot of stuff. My granddad used to say, you know, if I was 18 and knew what I knew now, he said, you'd be in jail is what you'd be. It's true. Man, he's. You know, I love talking to my granddad. He knew everything about politics. He knew everything on tv, watched CNN all day. But he had one solution for everything. He talked about a situation for a while, but everything boiled down to what you ought to do is put them in one place and blow them the hell up. Pretty much his solution for everything. Just put them one place and blow them the hell up. I said, they are in one place. And he said, well, blow them the hell. We can't afford to blow anybody up. We priced ourselves right out of the war business, haven't we? Man, they bombed Iraq for 10 days. It cost $100 billion. They said they killed 100,000 people. I figured it up. That's a million dollars a person to kill somebody. That's just totally out of line. I'm not willing to finance a global conflict at these prices. If Carrot could beat a family of four for $1.43 a month, the damn one ought to be able to kill somebody for less than a million bucks. Ahead, let's get dropping bombs that cost a million dollars a piece. And, folks, you shouldn't drop anything that cost a million dollars a piece. You ought to polish it and put it on your mantle. You could shove a million dollars down someone's throat and kill them. Actually, we could just drop the money on them, all them damn pennies. We just cost too much money to kill people anymore. Man. I heard capital punishment the other day was $12 million a person. How come it could take that much? I mean, couldn't take that much drugs. It couldn't take that much electricity. Although I couldn't even find out about electricity. I couldn't even find out who made an electric chair. I called everybody trying to find out who made an electric chair. I've been called General Electric, who at least think would know who made a good electric chair. And they didn't. And I said, well, you know, you guys ought to continue because you could have this new slogan. GE brings good things to life and vice versa. And they hung up on me, telling you, that's gold. But I decided they were talking about privatizing prisons one time, and I was thinking, you know, hey, if I ever get some money, we're always gonna have criminals in this country. I'm gonna buy me a prison. Might need to know where you go to get a good electric chair. Because I want a good electric chair in my prison. I don't want no crummy Kmart electric chair down here. I'll be down there at midnight. Flipping that switch. Is he dead yet? Because I don't think this thing's working right. Hell, all we're doing is giving him permanence. But I decided since I couldn't find out who made an electric chair, if I ever do have a prison, I'm not even gonna have an electric chair. I'm gonna have a new, energy saving, environmentally friendly prison. I'm going to carpet my entire prison instead. And I'm have my condemned man stand in a bucket of water. I'm going have all the other convicts do like this on the carpet all day. Just touch them at the same time. Like at a pocket that 12 miles. Found out that 95% of the people on death row have no high school diploma and very little incentive to get one at this point in their life. I wish I knew more about politics. I was like, you know, during his last presidential race, that was something, wasn't it? Man? That was a decision to make. Al Gore and George W. Bush. That's like trying to decide whether you want your leg cut off just above or just below that. One of them was a spoiled rich kid groomed by his parents to be president. The other one was a dork. Who's who? Depends on your political affiliation. Clinton's gonna be a tough act to follow, ain't he? He's always had something going on for entertainment value. Whitewater campaign finance, China Gate. And he had that woman that was giving him all that trouble, Hillary. Actually, Hillary stood up for him. And that's a position a lot of women found difficult around this guy. He's always wondering what his legacy's gonna be. You know, what is it? He didn't do anything. He didn't get health care, he didn't get gays in the military. The only thing he did get was off. Basically.

R. Scott Edwards: 10:17

That was Jack Mayberry live on stage. You could tell from his accent he's from the South, Lubbock, Texas. But he's performed all over the country and a lot of tv. And he was talking about things that has just happened to everybody. We all have grandparents like he talks about and getting lost in strange towns. Never unusual for many of us, but we have more great comedy. Here's a short set by a good guy. I know you know him, he's famous on tv, but back in the day he was a regular at my clubs. I did a few concerts with him and just a terrific guy and always, always funny. In fact, he's still performing each and every week down in la. If you get a chance, catch him live Ladies and gentlemen, here's a little old school comedy by Jay Leno. Hello.

Jay Leno: 11:10

Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. Y'all see the news today? President Carter has some good news. Said when unemployment hits 100%, should start to level off. Muhammad Ali's fighting again. Gonna go back in the ring next month. He's fighting Buddy Epson. Did you see that? Should be a pretty upset. The vicious, vicious band. Oh, you know, I noticed something flying in here today. You ever notice when you fly that pilots always have pilot names? You know, you get on a plane, you always say, hi, this is your pilot. Mike Tiger will be flying to New York. Hi, I'm your pilot, Jim Hunt. You never get Angelo Boobar flying a plane anymore. We going to New York today. And they always search you for weapons. You know, I mean, you walk through an X ray machine, they open your luggage, and then you sit down to eat and they give everybody steak knives. You know, you bring your own steak knife, you get 20 years. Some of them are just so pompous. You know, Delta, the airline run by Professionals. What's TWA? Volunteers. I like LaGuardia Airport. That's my favorite. You got some New Yorkers here. You're flying LaGuardia Airport. This is the toughest airport in the world. I mean, you hear announcements, you don't hear anywhere else. Attention. Vinnie is dead. Would a Mr. Lewis Knuckles pick up the red phone? Mr. Lou Knuckles on line nine. Now, I know that's unfair. You know, comedians always make fun of New York and what. But there are things in New York you don't see anywhere else. You know, about a month and a half ago, I was riding the New York City subway. And those of you from New York will verify this. There's a sign in the New York City subway that always amazes. It just amazes me that it's there. It's in every car. And the sign says, no spitting. You know, I hadn't thought to spit when I got on the train. And you realize they're making a value judgment here about people that ride to subways in New York. When was the last time you got an airplane? The stewardess said, we'll be flying at 30,000ft. The pilot has turned on the no spinning sign. The auto industry is in a lot of trouble. You know, it's true. These car dealers will tell you anything to try and sell your car. A couple weeks ago, I was looking for a car. Guy tried to sell me a 72 Pinto. You know, one of the ones with the exploding gas tank. Tried to convince me it was a classic. Said there wouldn't be many of them left. I like the General Motors Man, Mr. Goodrich, you see that? Isn't he just the most honest mechanic in the world? A new engine? Oh, no, Mrs. Smith. It's just this little 29 cent fuse. This guy's never around when you bring your car in for service. Excuse me, is Mr. Good Wrench here? Mr. Good Wrench? He ain't here right now, but his brother in law. Dead battery will take care of you, all right. Insurance is the same way, you know, you have to have insurance to drive. And it's always amazing me. You ever see these companies that come on TV late at night or on the radio and they try to get bad drivers to sign with them, but they never call you a bad driver before you sign. They always call you an unlucky driver. Hey, you're the kind of fellow, every now and then you like to have a few drinks, maybe plow into the side of a school bus. Sure, you had a quarter tequila, but maybe you had a little bad luck too, didn't you? I saw one the other day. Now, as much as I hate jokes about this subject and all comedians make jokes about this subject, I'll tell you the ad exactly the way the man says it. You've all seen this, you figure it out. The man comes out, he stands like this and he says, Preparation H, huh? We'll do this in a dignified manner. Preparation H shrinks hemorrhoids. Now from here to here, maybe an improvement. All right, well, you're still not walking around, you know, I mean.

R. Scott Edwards: 15:37

That was Jay Leno live on stage, man, back then and today, one of the funniest men in America. So great to have him not only on my stages but on this podcast and be able to share his comedy with you. So in this show we had Jack Mayberry and Jay Leno. I know you enjoyed it as much as I did. Thanks for joining us on the podcast. We've been doing this a while. We hope you stay with us and continue. If you haven't had a chance, go to my YouTube site. It's under my name, Scott Edwards. Or check out my podcast network, Standup Comedy Podcast Network. It's a free app on your phone or go to standup comedy podcast network.com youm'll find a comedy course, Jokes for Every Day, More Stand Up Comedy podcast and great videos, so check it all out. Hey, thanks for being a part of our journey. We'll see you next week where we'll have an interview from somebody in the industry. All right. Thanks for joining us. Bye.

Announcer: 16:41

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and emcee. For information on the show, merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc.com. look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of Stand Up Comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near.