Kermet Apio & Cash Levy "Live Standup Comedy on Stage" Show #248

Really fun standup comedy podcast starring Kermet Apio and Cash Levy. Both of these acts are clean, very funny, and talk about topics we can all relate to. I know you will enjoy this show...Plus a special Bonus where Kermet Apio does a fake radio ad for Hawaiian tourist...Hilarious! Listen, Enjoy, and Share!

Kermet Apio and Cash Levy are two talented stand-up comedians who bring their distinctive perspectives to the world of comedy, making everyday experiences both entertaining and relatable. Kermet, originally from Hawaii and now based in Seattle, uses his personal experiences as a father and husband to weave humorous tales that explore the intricacies of family life, marriage, and cultural identity. His performances, filled with witty observations and relatable insights, offer audiences a fresh perspective on the joys and challenges of parenthood. On the other hand, Cash Levy, known for his pure and fun comedic style, engages audiences with his high-energy interactions and humorous takes on sports and travel, offering a different yet equally entertaining view on life's narratives.

(00:00:22) Fatherhood and Sports Comedy Duo Stand-Up Special

(00:04:48) "Laughing Through Fatherhood and Marriage Adventures"

(00:12:56) Comedic Insights on Parenting with ADD

(00:22:32) Enhancing Podcast Experience Through Announcements and Website

Transcript

Announcer: 0:04

This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy. Your host and emcee celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business. Stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and emcee, Scott Edwards.

R. Scott Edwards: 0:22

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. This week we have some great stand up comedy for you. Some fun short sets by a couple of very, very funny guys closing the show later on. High energy, always great with the audience, loads of laughs. It's Cash Levy. That's right. He's a regular on the podcast. You've heard him before. We've got some really funny bits about sports that he did and I know you'll enjoy it. That's coming up later on. But first, one of my best friends in the business, he's originally out of Hawaii, but now lives up in Seattle, Washington. And he is Kermit Appio. Very funny comic. You've heard him before on the podcast. I just did a charity fundraiser with him earlier this year. Just a terrific, terrific guy. So he's going to be talking about getting married and being a father. And all told, this is going to be a fun show. But first we have something kind of different. Kermit Appio put together a couple fake ads that are just funny and quirky. So I'm going to play one of those and then I'll come back and introduce Kermit properly. But sit back and enjoy today's show of stand up comedy by Cash Levy and Kermit Appio. Right now, a little retail ad that might be a little different.

Announcer: 1:49

Hey, tourists, does this scenario sound familiar? You're in Hawaii. You go to the fake luau, come back to your hotel room and notice your room has been burglarized. Happens all the time. While there's no need to worry because Discount Warehouse has tons of items on sale at unbelievably low prices. How about digital cameras for $80? How about camcorders for $90? How about brand name watches for $5? Yes, it's true. And it's all available now at Discount Warehouse. Sure, you can file a report with the police, but really, you might as well put a note in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Why hassle when you have Discount Warehouse, you'll be back on your paradise vacation without skipping a beat on your way to the fake Polynesian Review. How do we do it, you ask? Simple. Our well trained delinquents break into your hotel while you're sucking back$9 mai tais. We then make those items available way under market value. You could buy a new laptop computer for$2,000. Or you can buy your very own laptop computer for much much less. You'll get all your personal files and documents on your computer for the low price of $300. No new computer will give you that. That's just the beginning. Your clothes, shoes, ABC Store souvenirs and cashless wallets. Everything you need and at one time owned is now on sale at the discount warehouse. You have to see it to believe it. Get here quick enough and we may have your rental car. Getting here is simple. Go to Kaina Ina Ala oleole Way and take a left. Then turn on Kaaaaaaaa and then a right turn on Kuu vuuvuu vu oo oo oo. Two consecutive left turns and make a U turn at the rusted frame of the 79 Camaro. From there, come behind the brown house with the chicken coop and knock four times on the side garage door with the gold sprayed hubcaps on the screen. When Taba answers the door, don't make eye contact and don't make any sudden movements. Now you'll be on your way to savings thanks to Discount Warehouse items. You're familiar with competitive pricing and very few options make Discount Warehouse the place you ought to be. Visa or MasterCard. Except it doesn't have to be your own.

R. Scott Edwards: 4:12

Okay, that was a little strange. That was Kerman Appio doing his own version of an ad. You can hear his sense of humor as it comes through on this. Okay, well let's get into some stand up comedy. As I mentioned, Kermit Appeau out of Seattle, Washington, Very funny comic, works all over the country, done a lot of tv. No, he's not famous, but one of the funniest guys in America. And you're going to hear why right now as he talks about fatherhood and being a husband. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Kermit appeal.

Kermet Apio: 4:48

Someone married me.

Announcer: 4:51

I know.

Kermet Apio: 4:55

I'm glad I'm not single. Insecure and broke is one thing. Insecure, broke and single. That is the frosting on the hell cake. I did this one time. I was in the bank. I'm doing the transaction and I asked the teller out. Then I realized I just asked someone out who's looking at a computer view of my financial situation. What do you say then? Well, I've got other accounts. This is the one I keep negative. My wife is great. My wife is from Texas. I married a Texan and I didn't really propose to her. I just told her I'm from Hawaii. And I sure would love to stay in this country. We've been married seven years, but we've been together 13. I have to say that because she wants credit for time served. We've been together a long time. You know how I know? I haven't owned a bar of soap in 10 years. They disappeared. I now have bottles of produce combos. Cucumber and melon and raspberry and lime and jasmine orange and lemon. Ch. I didn't realize Jamba Juice sold soap. I leave the house smelling like an Otter Pop and a spody. Hanging out my buddies. Somebody burning potpourri? No, I'm sweating and I apologize. That's me. Dude, you need to exfoliate. Look at your pores. You need, like, an apricot stuff scrub. We have two children, Grover and Kermit Jr. I love them. I love being a dad. Best thing ever to happen to me by far. And to be totally honest, it was my wife's idea. She brought the idea to me, and that's what I learned about myself. If sex is in her plan. Yeah, I'm in. I didn't even hear the second part. Want to have sex and rob a bank? Yes. Yes, I do. Absolutely. Then all of a sudden, you're somebody's dad. There's no preparing for that. I. I know it's a cliche, but it changes who you are. When that first baby's born, you become. I became like, a stoner. You know, you're tired, you're forgetful, but you're really happy. You know, one time I said to my wife, dude, don't bogart the baby. Pass it around, Pass it around. Hug, Hug. Give. Let's go. I'm not explaining that joke.

Announcer: 8:25

If you get it, you get it.

Kermet Apio: 8:25

If you don't, you don't. Everything's so exciting with the first kid, my daughter turned one. That was a big day. And not just because my first child is having her first birthday, but because, wow, I've kept a human being alive for a year. There's a dog, a hamster, and a few plus. That would be very surprised to hear.

Announcer: 8:52

That.

Kermet Apio: 9:00

I've had screensaver fish die. How does that happen? Last year, I'm sitting there watching TV with my daughter, and I realized something. I'm 40, she's 5, but we love Spongebob equally. That's when I decided no homeschooling. Actually, that's when she decided no homeschooling. Got a little boy, cute little baby boy, loves to stick his finger in your mouth and not Just me and my wife. If you picked him up. Hello, total stranger. My wife. Ever the optimist. Well, maybe someday he'll be a dentist. Or maybe someday he'll be the crazy guy at the bus stop who sticks his finger in your mouth. Come here. Ah, come on. I don't know. My mom never stopped me. Come here. Such a big leap of faith. He's putting a fork in the socket. Maybe he'll be an electrician someday. He can't form a sentence. Maybe he'll be president. Thank you. You take your chances with a joke like, I love being a dad. I love being a dad so much, it's not embarrassing. That's when you know you dig it. Here's my proof. I drive a Taurus Wagon with two car seats. Thank you. Did I mention it's purple? Oh, yeah. You can sum this car up in two words. Hello, ladies. Rolling in my T dub. Yo. A purple wagon, two car seats, no car alarm, because nobody's touching that car. They know whatever they steal will have jelly on it. There's no street value for a Wiggles cd. I love the Wiggles. Don't worry, that joke wasn't for all of you. It's a specifically marketed joke right there. Your kids between 2 and 5. That was hilarious what I just said. It's the Wiggles. It's these four guys and they sing and dance, and I can sing every word, every single song they do. Seen them live twice. You watch all the shows and, you know, I realized I was one of these people. But it cracks me up when people who don't have kids say things like, well, when I have kids, I'm not just gonna plop them in front of the tv. Really? So you're not planning on taking a crap for 10 years, are you? Have no idea. I was thinking about this. I spent hundreds of dollars on car seats and my parents did not.

Announcer: 12:56

Because.

Kermet Apio: 12:56

The parental forearm restraint is free. Shoom, man, you could have been hurt. The forearm to the head doesn't hurt at all, dad. My dad has these big, huge forearms. My dad's this really big, macho Hawaiian ex cop who never talks. And I'm not macho, and I talk way too much. Basically, the acorn fell from the tree, rolled away and hopped on a plane to Pansieville. That's the only haiku my dad ever wrote. I'm nothing like my dad. And someone asked me, well, you have a son now. What if he rebels against you? And I thought about it and I realized, well, that could be a good thing. You know, son, I understand you're being confident and on time. You trying to show me up? What is this I hear about a savings account? I don't even know you. My wife is part Irish, part Cherokee, so my kids are Hawaiian, Irish and Cherokee. And there's an alcoholic waiting to happen right there. Hawaiian, Irish and Indian. Those kids are entitled to a lot of land if they can prove it. You know what I'm saying? I read an article that ADD might be genetic. So I wrote a letter of apology to my kids. Actually, I started a letter of apology to my kids. They've come a long way. They gave it a name and that's huge. When I was a kid, they didn't call it add they called it possessed by the devil was the term. We didn't have riddling. We had boiled chicken feed and pelt him with mangoes or something. Why are there leeches on my head? Oh, that's to suck out the evil, you freak. What's worse, I'm ADD and lazy. So I'm thinking of a million things and not doing one of them. I'll never be one of those excuse people, I promise you that. Because I hate him. I murdered because I have adhd. That's why I murdered. You're such a liar. It's impossible. Here's what would happen. I'm going to kill that guy. Ooh, pie. PI is ADD kryptonite. PI has kept me from the greatest accomplishments in my life. I'm gonna change the world. Is that key lime? Really? Don't worry, the ADD jokes aren't for everybody. That's a very select group right there and sadly they're not paying attention at this point in the show.

R. Scott Edwards: 16:31

That was Kermit Appio live on stage talking about things that we all can relate to. Being a husband and being a father. He is such a funny comic. He is still working and in fact, as I mentioned, just did a charity event for me recently. A great guy and a good friend. Sure you enjoyed that. Hey, let's keep the high energy comedy going with our next comic. This guy. Headlines all over the country, done a little bit of tv, but he's mostly just a terrific stand up comic. Does a lot of audience work and in these two comedy sets he's talking about sports and travel a little bit. I know you'll enjoy it. Ladies and gentlemen, let's bring back my friend Cash Levy.

Cash Levy: 17:18

We should have a reunion. That'd be fun. Yeah, we'll all go out to your ranch out there in Morgantown and have Like a squirrel roast or something. A lot of people have pig roast, but not us. We'll have a squirrel roast and a bull deer festival. A bull mule deer. And that's a pretty heavy threesome, let me tell you. When those three animals get together, you better bag off. You guys would love the running of the bulls in Pamplona. I was there last year. They don't even need the bulls. When you're that drunk, it's quite dangerous to be running. They should just call it running of the winos. Give everyone scissors. I was so drunk, I ran down the wrong street. Big cat was chasing me. They should feed their bulls. That bull has whiskers. Last time I was here, I went snowboarding for the first time. Yeah, first time out there.

R. Scott Edwards: 18:45

Woo.

Cash Levy: 18:48

That's a new impression. That's me snowboarding. Just as easily. Could be me having sex. Either way, it's probably very unpleasant to watch. Snowboarding was awesome first time out. I'm just out there just living on the edge, just getting gnarly, doing like flips and shit. Whirly birds going helicopters over the tree line. Then I actually got on the board. Our instructor did a face plant on the first lift. That doesn't give you a lot of confidence. See your instructor get taken off on a stretcher. Before he died, he told us the.

Announcer: 19:39

Key.

Cash Levy: 19:42

To a good landing is to put your arms in front of your shoulders and go into the roll position. The roll position, yes. This way your shoulders take most of the punishment. Yeah, so does your fricking face. They need a light on your board that warns you, you know you're going 30 miles an hour. You're about to bite it. Go into roll position. Lock and load. Saddle up the stallion. I love the lingo that everybody's out there shredding, getting gnarly. And I was just trying to keep up all day. This guy from a lift, he yelled at me. He's like, nice stale fish, dude. Nice stale fish. Gnarly Turk feather to you. The other guy's like, awesome crab cakes. Gnarly bean diploma. Some of the guys are so poetic too. Like, I asked this one guy how his day was and he goes, to shred or not to shred. That is the question. Whether tis gnarlier in the pipe to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune by ripping an old school alley oop jibbonking railslide. Or to take arms against a sea of troubles by ripping a fat, grassy rivered half carve. Aye, there's the rub. My gnarly big panted cousin. I didn't hesitate. I said, two half pipes diverge in a wood. I took the pipe less traveled by gnarly Turk Feather.

R. Scott Edwards: 21:28

That was Cash Levy live on stage talking about snowboarding and just has a funny way of interacting with the audience. His comedy is always so pure and just so fun. To share these two great comics with you, Kermit Appio and Cash Levy. Well, tell you what, ladies and gentlemen, that does it for this week's show. And next week we'll be back with one of our stand up Comedy interviews. So thanks for joining us on the podcast. If you get a chance, check out the Stand Up Comedy Podcast Network, available as a free app on all your phones. I wrote a book about a year and a half ago called 20 questions answered about being a stand up comic. If you have any interest in show business, it's available on Amazon. If you get a chance, 20 questions answered about being a Stand up Comic. All right, a little extra information for you. We'll see you next week for our interview show. Thanks for joining us on the podcast. Tell your friends, stay happy, stay healthy and we'll see you soon. Bye.

Announcer: 22:32

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy. Your host and emcee. For information on the show merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc.com. look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near.