Tony Camin, Marc Yaffee, & Mark Schiff "Three Professionals" Show #266

This weeks standup comedy show feature three headliners and recently recorded sets. First a short but funny bit by Tony Camin, then several minutes of material by American Indian Comic Marc Yaffee, and the fun show closes with New York native Mark Schiff. His set recorded at a special Jewish fundraiser, and at the end he shares really funny "Joke-Jokes".

Tony Camin, Marc Yaffee, and Mark Schiff are all seasoned comedians with decades of experience, each bringing a unique perspective to the world of stand-up comedy. Originating from the San Francisco Bay Area, Tony Camin is known for his "San Francisco-ish" humor, often sharing relatable and humorous anecdotes, such as his struggle with sun glare while driving. Marc Yaffee, a regular contributor to the "Stand Up Comedy Show" podcast, captivates audiences with his light-hearted approach and witty observations, often poking fun at Jewish stereotypes and religious figures. Meanwhile, Mark Schiff, who emerged from New York's vibrant comedy scene alongside comedy greats, entertains with his humorous takes on cultural differences, delivering playful critiques on cultural appropriation and using clever wordplay to engage audiences. Together, these comedians offer a diverse range of comedic styles that appeal to a broad audience, making them respected figures in the comedy community.

(00:00:21) Diverse Humor and Industry Insights Podcast

(00:09:34) Comedic Takes on Cultural Topics in Comedy

(00:13:54) Weightlifting and Health: Jewish Stereotypes Humorized

(00:17:28) Witty Rabbi Anecdotes with Clever Punchlines

Transcript

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This is another episode of stand up Comedy. Your host and emcee celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and emcee, Scott Edwards. Hi and welcome back to the podcast. We've been sharing stand up comedy and amazing interviews with people from the comedy industry for the last six years. We're so excited that you're still listening and man, do I have a fun show for you this week. Closing the show coming up later on. Very Funny Guy, originally out of New York, now hails out of Hollywood, has done a fair amount of tv, but just a terrific stand up comic. It's Mark Schiff. I know you'll enjoy him. Coming up in the middle spot, we have a very funny comic that's actually from Northern California, but is one of the few American Indian comics. He gets the opportunity to play all over the country and does such a great job with it. I know you'll enjoy him. Coming up in a few minutes. Mark Yaffe, one of our regulars on the podcast. But hey, let's get things started. This guy's originally out of the San Francisco Bay area. Again, a little bit of tv, not too much, but he has been doing stand up comedy for like 30 years. Rock solid, very funny. I know you'll enjoy him. Let's jump into some new comedy presented by Tony Kameen. Don't get mad at me. I came here, but it turned out a fine show. Nothing to worry about. However, the next day was in Minneapolis, so we had to rent a car in the morning, early in the morning and drive due east in the morning. I don't know if you guys have ever had to drive due east in the morning. Uh, not gonna work. You know why? The sun. Correct. The sun. Or elgato for our Spanish friends. I didn't do good in that in Spanish, but I like to use it with a lot of authority, you know, and confidence, even though I don't fucking know what I'm saying. Anyway, so I'm not. So all the sun's coming in and I'm not a buiscatos and I'm not dumb. I know how to work a. I'm not. I'm not smart. I'm in the middle, middle, middle plus. Yeah, middle, middle, good days. No, you get it. Anyway, I'm trying to drive and then I know I'm not. So I put down the flat visors. Boom, boom. But let me tell you about those flat visors. My new friends, they don't get everything, do they? Where the rear view thing attaches to the glass rear view attachy area. This. This visor blind stops here. This one stops here. So there's a good square inch window of pure fucking fire streaming directly into lefty. Yeah, I know, but I was looking in the mirror when I named him, so. Plus, it's my eye. I can name whatever the fuck I want to name him. This one's Whiskey Pete. Doesn't even drink. So I'm trying to drive and block out that little gap of sun. And I swear to God, you guys in Idaho, people will do this right back to you as you drive. I'm like, ah, no, I'm trying to block out something different. So it's nice to be back in America here, huh? That was Tony Kameen. He's been doing comedy for a while. But that was a set recently recorded and I know you enjoyed it because I did. And we have a great sense of humor, don't we? Anyway, Tony's a very funny guy, if not just a little San Francisco ish. You can see what I mean when you listen to his material. Anyway, I know you enjoyed that. Let's jump into our next act. As I mentioned, he's one of the few American Indian comics that's been playing in comedy for many years. This is a recently recorded set as he has been doing cruise ships and clubs from coast to coast. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the comedy of Mark Yaffe. Hey, I got to go to the Middle East. We did some shows for armed forces entertainment. Round of applause for our veterans, our military out there. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, they sent us to Iraq. We went to Kuwait, Bahrain. Then I went to this East African country called Djibouti. I got my first Djibouti call. Djibouti is located in East Africa. Djibouti is a very poor country. They're so poor, they do not even have a language. They speak Ethiopian in Djibouti. The country is so broke, they had to borrow something from Ethiopia. But the troops treated us great. The military and the staff man, they gave us a tour of all the bases and the equipment. High tech shit run. Basically, the military is run by 18, 19 year old kids just out of high school doing shit I can't even imagine. High tech, right? They would hand me a radio, I would screw that up so bad. I would get. I would get dishonorably discharged in three minutes. I would fuck that up. They'd be like, alpha, Bravo, Charlie, this is November Romeo, Tango, do you copy? Like, yeah, numb Nuts, Rimjob, Teabag. This is Ass, White ball sack, camel toe. I copy dipshit. What are your coordinates? My coordinates sir are Whiskey Dick, Vaj Lardass. It's a crazy job. They sent us to all these exotic locations. Aruba, Antarctica. Alberta, Canada. I was in Red Deer, Alberta, Canada. Red Deer means white people, that's what. Holy shit. Red Deer was so white they didn't even have black bears. They set us up there last year to do a couple shows. We went up the. It was a Friday, Saturday, Friday night showroom packed just like this, 150, 200 people. We come back the next night, there was like 30, 40 people. Like holy shit, what did we do? Like oh no, no, it's not ua, it's a Stanley Pokey playoffs. Because you know hockey, number one sport in Canada. Anyone know the second most popular sport in Canada and it's not drinking. Curling, thank you very much. Hockey, the fastest sport on ice. Curling, the slowest sport in the solar system. Have you seen a highlight of curling? It's two white guys sweeping. Has anyone informed Mexico or Central America you can win a gold medal for sweeping? Shit, my 94 year old Mexican American adopted mother. This lady's got a fake knee, bad hip, weak heart. You hand her a broom, she turns into a turbo zamboni. One call to Mexico. Canada's reign of gold is over. Oye primo, bring the broom. Mexico revolutionized the sport of curling. Don't show up to the Olympics with a leaf blower. Go. The rest of you are getting very sleepy. Very sleepy. After the show you will give back all of the land and you will stop naming your sports teams after our people. No, we don't mind. I'm just saying maybe they should know. They. We have the Chiefs and the Indians, well known, more Indians, Chiefs. The Redskins are gone, we got the Braves. And why don't they name some sports teams after the other Indians? Right? How about the Portland programmers against the Carolina code writers. Tennessee Tech support against the San Diego software developers? I am native, I'm not from the reservation. I come from a small fishing village on the Pacific coast called Los Angeles. Yeah, I'm not full blood. I'm actually a mixed blood alcohol content. Yeah, last night scotch and soda, tonight I'm gin and tonic. Yeah, I am Mexican, Irish in Navajo. No drinking problem here. Shit, doctor slapped me at birth, I blew a 0.1. Congratulations ma'am, you had a DUI. Yeah, Mexican, Irish, Navajos, I'm known now racial surveys, other. Oh, look at me. Mexican, sick. I'M Indian. Indian sick, I'm Asian. Cops sick. I'm a suspect. Screw it. We got any hoes? Where are the hoes? Any? I did that line in San Francisco. Five Asian folks jumped up. Ho family. Five ho here for the show. I love Asian food. Chinese food is my favorite. I've had the privilege of going to 43 states, 23 countries. If there's a town or village with at least 2,000 people, there's at least one Chinese restaurant. Chinese people are amazing. They have populated every corner of the globe in order to bring us orange chicken. I guarantee you tonight if we went up to the North Pole, we'd find a panda. Polar Express. But now there's been cultural appropriation of Chinese food. They got a chain of Chinese restaurants without Chinese people. You may have heard of it. P F Chang's. What kind of bullshit of Chang's? That is not authentic Chinese food. They don't even have Mexican cooks. And on their entree, on their menu, the signature entree is called the Buddha's Feast. It's a little disrespectful to our Buddhist brothers and sisters. Shit. As a Christian, I would not want to go to the Outback Steakhouse and see the Lamb of God on the menu. Pretty sure my Muslim friends would not want to go to the Falafel Hut and see the Outlaw Cart. That was Mark Yaffe live on stage. You could see why he is one of the regulars on this podcast. Very funny guy. Normally, I'm sharing sets from several years ago, maybe 10, 15 years ago, but this was just recorded recently, and you could see that he's grown as an entertainer. He's really solid these days. It's so great to see how well he's doing. Hey, let's jump into our final act. Speaking of professionals, this guy came up through the New York ranks with people like Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Reiser, and Larry Miller. Very funny comic. He is a regular on this podcast, but this set was just recorded last fall as part of a fundraiser. He has been featured many times on this podcast from his club days back in the 90s and early 2000s. But this set is brand new and I know you'll enjoy it. A very funny guy. Let's hear it out of Hollywood these days. Mark Schiff. Danny mentioned Costco. I'm a big Costco fan. You like Costco? You like going there? My wife and I go there. We go before I Go to Costco. I'm an idiot. I think I'll spend 70,$80, $1700 later, I'm buying mustard for the next 111 years. Just cases. I bought 200 batteries, double A batteries. I don't even own a flashlight. People come to my house, I give them, here, take some mustard with you and take some batteries. It's on me. I gotta get rid of these so I can buy some more. I looked in this one guy's cart, he had six cases of Drano and six cases of toilet paper. I'm thinking, what kind of diet is this guy on that he needs this type of firepower? And they sell everything at Costco says, absolutely true. They sell coffins at Costco. Coffins? What is this, an impulse buy? I'm online with my wife, I go, honey, I don't feel good. I got a headache, my feet hurt. I better grab a coffin while we're here. You know, you look a little pale yourself. And it's 30 off the second one. Let's just keep them in the garage till we need them. You know, right before COVID I bought a brand new car and I didn't have. I don't have a place to park in my house. I got a little house, you know, la, you know, 1600s square foot, 40 million dollar house. And it's very expensive to live near other Jews. It's very expensive. So I bought. So I have this. I had to park in front of my house, I rent the car. So I bought a car cover, $160. I covered the car, came out the next morning, somebody stole the car cover. So I figured this is a one off. I bought another one with the car, next day gone. Yeah, I bought the third one and I figured I covered the car and I got in the car. Yeah, 17 hours. I lift it up, I go, there's a heart attack, drops dead. I pull out the Costco coffin and bury him in the backyard. Sometimes life has a way of working itself out. I try to lift weights, they're so heavy, it's unbelievable. And Jews don't lift weights. They say to people, would you help me pick that up, please? Put my back when I was 9. So a lot of things Jews don't do. There are no Jewish rodeo stars. No Jewish rodeo stars. Never hear things like Morris Greenberg at a shoot eight with his mother running behind him going, get off, you're gonna fall. No Jewish bank robbers. Put your hands up, get on the floor. Get up, you'll get dirty. I also went recently for My annual physical. And doctors are incredible. Doctors have this power. They can open up any door. Just go get undressed, I'll be right in. What a great thing to be able to do. You see somebody walking a room you're attracted to. You open the door, take your pants off, I'll be right back. And they make you sit on that table with that white deli paper underneath you. That cheap deli paper. I usually bring a little pickle. I sit it next to me, some chips, make a little spread. So Jewish. I have to eat every nine minutes. And I'm so nervous I will sweat right through the paper. I'm a doc, I'll buy you a new paper. Was a dollar thousand feet for this stuff. And they leave you, these doctors, they don't come right in. They leave me like 30 minutes sitting there undressed, just staring at a wall. After 15 minutes, my blood pressure is 1,000 over 500. And I'll get up, you know, let me tell you, after 20 minutes sitting there by myself, I start feeling better sitting here going, I'm all right, I got to get out of here. Let me tell you something. Next time you're home, you don't feel well before you just run to the doctor. Try this at home, get undressed and sit on your dining room table. Just sit there, a little napkin under you. So you get the whole box of paper. Family walking by. I'm going to save the co pay on this one. And they leave these doctors leave you in there for a long time. And now doctors don't just come in. When I was growing up, remember when you growing up, Doctor just walks in, sees how you doing. Now they knock. What's with the knocking? What are you knocking? What do you think's going on? You're in there by yourself, you want to freak out the doctor next time they knock up. Not yet. Give me another five, ten by myself, Doc? I'm taking care of a lot of stuff in here. You don't want to see what's going on. All right. I put the light on when I want you to come in. Then they come in. They're always in a good mood, these doctors walk in. They're in a good mood, they walk in. How are you? How am I? I'm great. I was just driving by and I was wondering how you were doing. Don't you take your pants off and suit me for half hour sitting there. My other have pneumonia because of you. Breeze blowing on my neck here. People spitting around, coughing in here. I got everything they've had now, cuz you left me in here like an animal. So this guy's mother in law, try to remember these, these are good church, these are gifts. This guy's mother in law comes over to him and says, listen, you know, last year for my birthday, you gave me a cemetery plot. This year you didn't give me anything. He goes, you didn't use what I gave you last year. So there's this rabbi, priest and the minister again. They talk about the money that they collect, what they do with the, how they figure out the money. The priest goes, I got the system. I draw a circle. Whatever money I collect, I throw up in the air. Whatever lands in the circles for me, outsides for God. Then they ask the, the minister, what are you doing? He goes, I have a similar thing. I draw a circle, I throw everything in the air, the money, whatever lands in circles for God. Outside is for me. Rabbi goes, I got a different thing. I throw the money up in the air, whatever God wants. He. So this doctor calls in this guy and you know, his husband says, you know, I hate to tell you, but your wife's mind's completely gone. He says, I'm not surprised. She's been giving me a piece of it every day for 40 years. Try to remember these, these are good. Please. So this guy calls his rabbi and says, rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Rabbi goes, really? He goes, yeah, I think my wife. Rabbi goes, what do you want me to do? He goes, call her, talk to her, see what's going on. So the rabbi calls her. Next day, the rabbi calls the guy and says, listen, called your wife, she came and I talked to her for five hours. Guy says, what do you think? Rabbi goes, take the poison. Try to remember these. I got one more for you. So this is rabbi, priest and the minister. And they're all trying to figure out who's the best at what they do, who's the best. And they decide they're going to go separately into the woods that next week and try to find them. Try to find a bear and convert the bear so they don't go away. Next week they meet again. They look at the priest, they go, how's it go, Father Priest? Coast was excellent. I went into the woods, I found this bear. I gave him one of my lectures, one of my sermons. I read them from the Bible. Next Sunday morning, front row in the church. Then he looked at the minister. How did it go? He said, same thing. I gave him one of my lectures. I took him down to water you know, I baptized him Sunday morning front row. Then he look at the rabbi. He's in a body cast from head to toe. So what happened? He goes, I shouldn't have started with circumcision. Oh, wow, Mark is so funny. Hey, I know you enjoyed that. That was a great comedy set recorded just last fall with Mark Schiff at a private fundraiser. Hey, this has been a fun show. We had Mark Schiff, Mark Yaffe, and Tony Kameen. We hope you enjoyed it as much as I did producing it. I did. Want to remind everybody I have a new video podcast called the Tag Team Talent Podcast where I'm showing videos of these and other great comics and bringing in some talent videos from around the world. So if you get a chance, go to Spotify or YouTube and look for the Tag Team Talent Podcast. All right, we're going to come back next week with one of our interview shows, but for now, just have a great week. Keep smiling, keep laughing, and thanks for listening to Stand Up Comedy, your host at mc. Bye. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and mc. For information on the show merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhostandmc.com. look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near.