The Art of Making People Laugh: Jimmy Aleck, Tom McTigue, Jerry Miller, & Jay Johnson- Show #293

Four legendary comedians take the stage to showcase the art of stand-up comedy in this celebration of laughter spanning different styles and generations.

Jimmy Alec opens with his classic observational humor that made him a Johnny Carson favorite. His Chicago upbringing provides fertile ground for relatable comedy about Catholic school nuns, the differences between single and married men at grocery stores, and the unique challenges of buying certain products. Jimmy's perfectly crafted punchlines remind us why he was a television regular during comedy's golden age.

Next comes Tom McTigue, whose Baywatch fame takes a backseat to his brilliant comedic mind. Tom's extended bit about the nuclear-hot temperature of chicken pot pies evolves into an unexpected meditation on international relations, while his description of discovering cat vomit in the middle of the night creates visceral comedy gold. His ability to take mundane observations and transform them through vivid storytelling demonstrates why he was a crowd favorite for over a decade.

Jerry Miller, a Napa Valley native, brings his wine country perspective to a special outdoor recording from "Laughs in the Park." Jerry's takes on pretentious wine tasters and the challenges of parenting twins resonates especially well with the family crowd. His bit about mothers' superhuman ability to handle dirty diapers compared to squeamish fathers highlights the gender differences that still make for reliable comedy material.

The episode culminates with ventriloquist Jay Johnson, famous for his role on the sitcom "Soap." Jay and his puppet "Bob" showcase why ventriloquism remains a beloved art form when executed at the highest level. The chemistry between the strait-laced Jay and his inappropriate wooden partner creates a tension that drives the act forward to consistent laughs.

Tune in to experience these comedy masters at work and appreciate the different approaches they take to the universal goal of making people laugh. Subscribe now to hear more classic comedy from Scott Edwards' archives!

Chapters

• 0:00 Show Introduction
• 1:55 Jimmy Alec's Comedy Set
• 7:49 Tom McTeague's Baywatch Connection
• 19:13 Jerry Miller's Wine Country Comedy
• 31:35 Jay Johnson's Ventriloquism with Bob
• 42:52 Closing Remarks

Transcript

Announcer: 0:04

This is another episode of Stand-Up Comedy, your host and emcee celebrating 40-plus years on the fringe of show business Stories, interviews and comedy sets from the famous and not-so-famous. Here's your host and emcee, scott Edwards.

R. Scott Edwards: 0:22

Hi and thanks for joining us for another fun podcast show of all about stand-up comedy. And this week stand-up comedy is extra special, closing the show. One of the best comic ventriloquists ever In fact. You may remember him from the early TV sitcom called Soap where he and Bob, his ventriloquial figure, are very entertaining. He's coming up at the end of the show. I'll explain more later.

R. Scott Edwards: 0:53

Also we have Jerry Miller, a very talented comic out of the Napa Valley area and a regular at Life's Unlimited, but before Jay Johnson and Jerry Miller, one of my favorite all-time comics. He was a regular at the club for over a decade. He's done tons of TV and was actually a regular on Baywatch the TV show. That's right, it's comic Tom McTeague, very, very funny guy. But we're going to start things off in just the right tone. This first headliner is one of the best comics ever to work the club. He was a regular on all the TV shows back in the day. He did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, he did the Letterman Show and all the other talk shows and entertainment shows and he was a regular at my club, laughs Unlimited. So let's kick things off with our first of four comedy entertainers. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Jimmy Alec.

Jimmy Aleck: 1:55

My name is Jimmy Alec and I'm originally from Chicago.

R. Scott Edwards: 1:59

Oh yeah.

Jimmy Aleck: 2:00

Chicago and something Too much snow in Chicago. Don't you think Nothing fun to do in the snow either? Especially, you think Nothing fun to do in the snow either, especially in Chicago, nothing fun to do in the snow? I know a lot of people like to ski out here, but I don't understand skiers.

Jimmy Aleck: 2:11

I mean, why would anyone want to ski after watching the beginning of Wide World of Sports? I mean, why would they do this? Oh, I enjoyed watching the Winter Olympic Games on TV. Enjoy the Winter Olympics. Did you find yourself rooting against the Russians, though, in the Winter Olympics? Did you find yourself? I don't really trust the Russians anymore. You know what I found out recently? They banned the movie ET. Can you believe this? Yeah, they banned. They said they banned it for religious reasons, but I think they banned it because ET looked too much like the Russian women. I mean, you see those steroid women they send to the Olympics.

R. Scott Edwards: 2:46

I think it's unfair.

Jimmy Aleck: 2:47

I think it's unfair that a 5'2 blue eyed girl from Iowa has to compete against a 6'4 bearded Russian woman. I think it's unfair. I learned to mistrust the communists, though, in Catholic school. I spent 12 years in Catholic school, anyone else have time.

Jimmy Aleck: 3:01

I have people who've done some time. The most important thing you learn in Catholic school is do not get the nuns angry. I mean, you get sister mad, she's gonna hurt you. I had a nun so mad once she actually grabbed me by my tie and as hard as she could she went to fling me against the blackboard. Lucky for me I was wearing a clip-on tie. Her hand hit that blackboard about the speed of light. That was pretty funny.

Jimmy Aleck: 3:26

I used to like to goof around a lot in school, you know, and sometimes girls do not appreciate my sense of humor. Have you ever done this, guys? You ever taken a girl to a drive-in and when she goes to the washroom, move the car. They do not think that's funny, boy, when they get back in that car they're angry with you. I'll tell you. They get back in that car, it's. I don't see the humor in that. Well, you didn't see your face. They come out of the bathroom, probably on the drive, and girls are always smarter than me in school too, especially in spelling. Boy, don't ever go up against a girl in a spelling bee. She'll make you look like a fool.

Tom McTigue: 4:00

I had a teacher once say Jimmy, Alec spell, ohio O-H-I-O.

Jimmy Aleck: 4:05

Wrong Mary Jane, capital, o-h-i-o. I came from a very large Catholic family. A lot of laughs too in a big family. Did you ever get spanked for laughing? I used to get spanked a lot as a kid for laughing at the wrong times, you know, at the dinner table with milk in my mouth. Because that's a little kid, you learn. If there's milk in your mouth you're gonna laugh, spit it out your mouth Because if you hold it in it will come through your nose. Very painful milk through the nose. It's not as painful as root beer up the nose, but it's pretty painful. Have you ever had root beer up your nose? That's unbelievable pain, isn't it unbelievable? I mean, I've never been pregnant but I got a feeling burying a child root beer up the nose real close together. That's nice.

Jimmy Aleck: 5:04

Now, when I was growing up, I always thought my dad was the boss because he was the disciplinarian in the family, you know. But I was home a few weeks ago. My dad was getting ready to go to sleep and he asked my mom for breakfast in bed and he said it in that tone of voice I want breakfast in bed. You know what my mom told him Sleep in the kitchen. Married guys. Married guys always seem a bit hassled to me Like single guys, why?

Tom McTigue: 5:28

we got it together.

Jimmy Aleck: 5:30

Have you ever seen a single man at the grocery store? We?

Tom McTigue: 5:32

got it together.

Jimmy Aleck: 5:33

Just look on our cart Beer, twinkies and pizza.

Tom McTigue: 5:35

We got it together, married men probably the most conscientious shoppers I've ever seen.

Jimmy Aleck: 5:41

Married guys always have lists with them at the supermarket and they're always double-checking their lists Because God forbid they should forget something on the list. Yeah, married guy knows he forgets something on the list. His butt's going back to the store.

Tom McTigue: 5:57

You can always find a married guy at the supermarket.

Jimmy Aleck: 5:58

He has a list cart full of great food and underalls on top, because those female products are tough for a guy to buy. I mean, you can buy them, but you've got to buy real macho things along with them.

Jimmy Aleck: 6:10

Yeah, give me a six-pack of beer, playboy magazine pantyhose, set of weights. Can I get those over here? You know what else I cannot buy at the store? One roll of toilet paper. I can't do it. I roll of toilet paper, I can't do it. I cannot go up to the cashier, put down a roll of toilet paper, pay for it, leave and be cool. I just can't do it. I always get the feeling the cashier is looking at me saying did you run out? I'll bet you're in a hurry then, aren't you? You guys know, women seem to have it better than men in a lot of ways, don't you think?

Jimmy Aleck: 6:47

Sexually women are much better off than men. Woman doesn't want to do it. What does she say? Hey, I don't want to do it. Man will whimper and cry, but he'll eventually go to sleep. But do you guys get the feeling that when a woman's in the mood, we better be in the mood too? Do you get the feeling. We said we don't want to do it, we won't be doing it for a long time. Hey, good night.

R. Scott Edwards: 7:09

Thank you, that was comic Jimmy Alec. He was such a favorite regular at the club, all the TV shows he did, as you could tell from that live recorded set. He is a very, very funny guy, very talented. Jimmy Alec did all the shows, daytime and nighttime, and a real honor to have him at the club Coming up next. Another one of our headliners, in fact one of my favorites from Laughs Unlimited. He now lives in Texas where he's retired, but not only a terrific standup comic, but he was actually one of the stars of the TV show Baywatch. He's a terrific comic. I know you'll enjoy him. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tom McTeague live on stage.

Tom McTigue: 7:56

How many people here have problems? A couple of you, good, okay, I'm just a little cautionary tale. I think most of you that have the problems are probably looking to get rid of the problems, and I just want to caution you to probably not do that, because what?

Tom McTigue: 8:19

happens is when you get rid of a problem, that creates a vacuum into which brand new problems flow. So I just be happy with the ones you got. I'll give you an example. I was married and it felt like a problem. So what I did was I got a. Just clear this up, okay problems. Also, you ever go to the circus or the sideshow at the carnival? They get that whack-a-mole game. You know what I'm talking about. You whack a mole and up pops, that's the okay. So I get rid of the marriage, right, whack that down, up pops depression. So I whack down depression and up pops alcohol. And so I whack down alcohol and up pops smoking. So I whack down the smoking and up pop. Hey, I'm fat. So I started working out like a madman and now I'm not depressed, I don't smoke, I don't drink and I'm not terribly overweight anymore, and I'm thinking of I don't smoke, I don't drink and I'm not terribly overweight anymore, and I'm thinking of getting meridian.

Tom McTigue: 9:45

Good God, I don't know what the deal is with the chicken pot pies, but they're hot and I don't know how they get that hot, you know, because they start out they're like they're really they're hot and I don't know how they get that hot, you know, because they start out they're like they're really, they're cold, it's like a hunk of tundra. And then you put it in a 350-degree oven for 40 minutes. You pull it out, that's a billion goddamn degrees. That's the hottest thing known to man, pretty much Okay. Well, it goes like nuclear fusion and then chicken pot pie. It's like that much difference. But we're missing a military application. I think we should take like 50 or 60 of those chicken pot pies and just bake them up and I mean, get them hot too, don't dick around. I think go like 475. And then give them to the special forces, just park them on the border of Iraq or wherever we're having problems, and just lob them in.

Tom McTigue: 10:44

I can't let myself down, no matter, I've got hot chicken pot pie on me. I'm dead serious. That's the noise you make when you get hit with the chicken pot pie. I've got the hot square carrot on my nipple. It's not fair. This is supposed to be a no pie zone. I know, I know you guys are going.

Tom McTigue: 11:13

It's funny, but it's not a very good Iraqi accent and you're right, it's better as a Pakistani or an Indian accent. But they're not really in the news that much. They probably don't even sound like that. But damn it, it's fun to talk like that. It is. You know, you can say anything you want with that accent. It just comes out sounding fun.

Tom McTigue: 11:40

Can I put my finger in your butt? You see what I'm saying, because if you come up to someone and you go, can I put my finger in your butt? Nine times out of ten people will go no, but if you go, can I put my finger in your book? You'll be amazed how many people go. Oh, oh, oh.

Tom McTigue: 12:10

So I'm eating the chicken pot pie and, um, I I take a big shovel full of this swanson magma. I take a big shovel full of this Swanson magma and park it in my mouth. There is no way to look snazzy when the inside of your mouth is getting seared. You just can't do it. It's like ah, ah, noggin, you know? I finally spit it out. And at that point my cat goes well, I'll eat it. And if you've never seen a cat go, ah, it is butt funny. And she spit it out. Oh man, that is a noise, no kidding. I could live happy the rest of my life without ever hearing again the sound a cat makes puking. It always happens at the worst possible time. You're like sound asleep, the covers are pulled up tight, you're just snug as a bug in a rug having a terrific dream of a far away land and beautiful golden skinned women with really pretty feet dancing the hula under the shadow of some big hot volcanic eruption just keeps erupting and spewing.

Tom McTigue: 13:41

Well, anyway, out in the living room, you know you hear your cat doing that whole whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop whoop, whoop, whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop.

Tom McTigue: 14:03

And you're just like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and you don't want to go out there, but you have to to find out where it is. You know, because if you don't find it tonight, chances are you'll find it in the morning with your foot, and by then it's all cold and creamy and gets up between your toes. Then you've got to find a popsicle stick, and they're not always handy, and it's not even puke either, because at least puke's puke. It's got a landmark, a pea, a carrot, something, nothing in this, it's bubbles. It's this viscous, hairy, cool and pile of cat gack. But you know what's kind of gross about it? It's always got that little blade of grass garnish on there.

Tom McTigue: 14:57

A freaky sushi chef came in in the middle of the night. Pay attention, kitty sign. Presentation is everything. Nice crowd. Thank you so much, by the way, for laughing. I always find comedy. It's so much better when the audience laughs. Feel free to not laugh too, though. By the way, don't be laughing at stuff that you don't think is funny, because when you laugh you're my barometer and then I think whatever it is that I've said is funny, and I kid you not, I will tell it again. I'll tell the same stupid joke to a different crowd someplace else and they'll just sit like bumps on logs and I'll have to go. No, sons of bitches, go, set me up.

Tom McTigue: 15:57

I live up in Los Angeles, as I mentioned before. I don't know if you get this. Most of you guys live here. You tell people you're from Los Angeles, they go, man, but you always go to the beach, don't you? Always hanging out? I don't go to the beach very often. A couple of reasons. One I'm afraid of getting bit by a shark. Although I was reading the newspaper, this shark expert was being interviewed and he said you're more likely to get bit by a pig than bit by a shark. And I thought perhaps, but it would be pretty embarrassing still trying to explain that scar. Gee, ricky, what happened? Okay, I was swimming about 100 yards offshore when all of a sudden, this big freaking peg surfaced. Seen that curly tail just cutting through the white caps. I could hear him. Just he was gaining on me, man, it's like a scene out of that movie, jowls.

Tom McTigue: 17:04

The main reason is, every time I swim in the ocean I'm just amazed at all the parts of my body sand can find. I keep forgetting, I have nooks and crannies and want to go for that refreshing dip in the surf, and I come out crunching. It's not just a guy thing either. You've seen women little, teeny, tiny bikini, big swinging bag of sand hanging out. Oh my God, that is hateful. So I'm trying something new now, though, which has got me kind of excited. Instead of rinsing it off, I'm just leaving it there and I'm trying to make pearls. It's a little uncomfortable, but if you look at the bright side, everybody's getting a pretty cool Christmas gift this year, and I think we can all agree that your mom always appreciates a gift a lot more when you make it yourself. I was going to make her a diamond, but that was just too much pressure.

R. Scott Edwards: 18:09

Tom's incredible. You could see. Tom's a very funny guy and always has the audience rolling in the aisles. He was one of my personal favorites at Laughs Unlimited. My club and Tom is always remembered as one of the crowd favorites and we're so happy he's healthy and happy and retired in Texas doing quite well. All right, let's go to some outdoor entertainment. You know stand-up comedy doesn't work as well outdoors but still sometimes the situation comes up. Back in the early 80s we got anywhere from 12 to 15 different comics all in a row for free during the day just to entertain and kind of show people what standup comedy was all about. They were very successful. I think the largest one had about 12,000 people. But this recording of the next two acts was from the very first Laughs in the Park we did. This first act is a feature act out of Napa Valley. He worked my club many, many times. Very clean, very funny. I know you'll enjoy him. Let's hear a little stand-up comedy from Jerry Miller.

R. Scott Edwards: 19:32

He performs all over the Northwest and he is a regular here at Laughs Unlimited.

R. Scott Edwards: 19:36

Please a big round of applause. Jerry Miller, Jerry Miller, Jerry Miller.

Jerry Miller: 19:46

Scott Edwards. So how's everybody doing Sacramento? How are we?

Jay Johnson: 19:52

Across the lake huh.

Jerry Miller: 19:56

That's a good seat. Mosquito larvae nest over there, that's great. I'll have you know if you gotta go pee-pee Fairyland's a place to be right there. Don't go back here unless you know a song.

Jerry Miller: 20:10

It's bad over there. I come to the Napa Valley Valley up there in the wine country, so thus I do the wine tasting thing. Anybody been wine tasting? We done this before. Yeah, if you're like me, you like going for one reason only it's free. You can belly up to that bar with an empty glass. That guy will keep filling them puppies up, won't he? Yeah, but I hate the guys that work there. There, though, you see these guys. This is a shortened leg. It's got a light bouquet, fresh nose, lovely legs. Don't you want to smack these guys? If you've been drinking this wine on a nice, hot summer day like today, it feels like you took a ball peen hammer and just smacked yourself in the face. Yourself in the face. Oh god, you're in your hands and knees looking for bread and cheese. I need sponges. I walk in my gang. Go chardonnay huh, all righty.

Tom McTigue: 21:12

All righty, you look great, dude. Put a head on that bad boy.

Jerry Miller: 21:20

You're looking great. So I've been playing a lot of comedy hotspots. I was in Fresno when lizards go to die, that's right, right, I've had to jet it up into Stockton. We've got some people in Stockton here. Yeah, the Stepford City, it's like playing the trot. You look in the audience. Everybody's going Up in the great northwest Spokane, missoula, montana oh God, everybody's got these big old belt buckles. They're about this big. Yeah, right, I can pick up satellite with this. You're funny.

Tom McTigue: 21:55

You're funny, you're great, you're funny.

Jerry Miller: 21:57

But you ain't no rodeo, Ain't nothing as funny as a rodeo. And that was a women, so I'm real glad to be here. We got a lot of kids, a lot of families, a lot of parents. I'm a parent myself here. We got a lot of kids, a lot of families, a lot of parents. I'm a parent myself. It was a scary thing. I cast my seeds into barren ground for years and years and years. Next thing I know she was as fertile as potting soil.

Tom McTigue: 22:25

We had twins.

Jerry Miller: 22:28

Thanks for your sympathy. It was a scary thing. Went to the doctor, we found out she was pregnant. The doctor was a little guy, a little Elmer Foote type guy. We walk into the doctor's office and he's standing there going Hello, I'm your doctor. Well, I smacked him. We didn't have a sonogram. You familiar with this sonogram? Sono meaning Sam, gram meaning a hundred bucks. Basically, what happens in a sonogram is they bombard the fetus or feti, in my case, because there's two Fetus, feti, octopus, octopi it's plural. Honey, I'm sucking holy cow. But we get this dippity-doo type stuff it's like. Then this machine kind of looks like this and then out pops a little Polaroid picture, just a little Polaroid. Basically it's got the clarity of Etch-A-Sketch. Now, dr Fudd, he's happy as can be. He looks up at me and says Well, there they are.

Jerry Miller: 23:47

I smacked him again, boom.

Tom McTigue: 23:50

Boom, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I smacked him again.

Jerry Miller: 23:57

I took that picture from him and said oh honey, look, we're proud parents of lima beans. We did the Lamaze thing. We did the Lamaze. For those of you who don't understand, lamaze is a French term, loosely translated, where the woman breathes through pain and the father takes all the drugs he wants. I like that part. Yeah, we graduated about a week before the kids came to the lovely ceremony, had our surgical caps and gowns on. We're having a baby, some two or three, three, we're having a baby, it ain't cheap or free.

Jerry Miller: 24:42

Taught to breathe through labor.

Tom McTigue: 24:45

No matter how hard or long Women bear the children.

Jerry Miller: 24:53

Because, us men are that strong, so a little something for the ladies, because you'll probably be pissed off later on you know Dad and Amy.

Tom McTigue: 25:05

They help out around the house.

Jerry Miller: 25:06

I go to the grocery store for my wife. They got some scary stuff there. Though I'm standing in line with my groceries, I look off the side. I get the Star, the star of the national choir. Those rag magazines, those headlines will scare the crap out of your newborn dad. My wife gave birth to a big foot baby. Now she was getting real big that she had a gravitational force to chocolate. We'll be walking down the street. She was getting real huge towards the end there, real giant In fact. When you get into bed at night I'd pull out flashlights and go.

Tom McTigue: 25:45

Hey, gay henny.

Jerry Miller: 25:57

She was giant. Her boobs got real big too. Oh yeah, she went from nothing to wow. But you can't touch them. They're not for you. In fact, right on this little red circle is the last one. No kidding, kids are pretty wild, though. Even Dad and I can tell. When they got a big boom boom in there, you know they filled up them diapers. They got those big rotund diapers on. You know. If they filled them puppies up, I can pretty much tell. I just kind of set them down on the ground and push them over and they come right back up again.

Jerry Miller: 26:34

Oh honey, oh geez, oh God, it's a bad one. Bring him to the. I got yard work. I'm out of here. Dads are different. Dad will walk in the house, pick up that little baby Holy cow. Oh Honey here.

Jerry Miller: 26:46

it is Either that or the dog's in here, pick him out. I don't know. Women are different. Women are superhuman. They'll pretty much pick that little baby up, stick their hand right down the back of that diaper. Oh, look at little Jewel Jr left there. How about that? Huh, all righty, put it in his book. Huh, oh, perfect, yeah, that's great. Kids aren't too obvious about pooping either, are they? No, you can pretty much tell though. Yeah, that's great. Kids aren't too obvious about pooping either, are they no? You can pretty much tell, though. Just look at them standing there in the corner. That's pretty obvious. What's that? Look on their face. Did you poop? Tap that? Oh, perfect, yeah, put it in your book. All right, my daughter's doing goofy things. Now we got a boy and a girl. She's raising her dress, showing everybody her belly Belly. She's not dating. Until she gets over that, I gotta draw the line somewhere. I'm not gonna raise my kids like my folks, for obvious reasons. Plant cabbage, you get cabbage. My mom was a graduate of Joan Crawford School of Discipline.

Jay Johnson: 28:08

See that prerequisite 500-foot radius arm reach it will reach out and grab you, insert the fingernails and drag your little butt back and say I'm done and I'll take you to the one that's right there.

Tom McTigue: 28:23

You go for a ride in the car. Mom's driving the car.

R. Scott Edwards: 28:25

I'm in the backseat my sister poking her in the eyes pulling her pigtails slug her in the face.

Jerry Miller: 28:29

You say, mom, tell Jerry to not come out. Say, mom, I'm telling you, I'm trying to stop it, I'm going to go. You two want to back off. Do you want me to pull this car over? We can turn around right now. She wouldn't do that, she's a crappy driver. So this car blunts. I keep doing it. You know, out from under the front seat, no laser light stick and it'll reach all the way back. You kids knock that drive off.

Jerry Miller: 29:00

Do you hear me? I just grabbed my sister, jesus Boom. I'm a terrible driver. I drove over here this is chaotic I bundled on my instructor, henry Wu, chinese driving instructor. It was terrible.

Jay Johnson: 29:25

We got out there he said all right, you stop calling me. Okay, all right, pull your blinker, turn right, left hand blinker, let's go. Okay, go here, we go. Green light stop. No, green stop. Green light stop, all right, that's perfect. All right, keep your blinker on, just go straight time, let's go. Okay, go here, we go. Green light stop. No, please stop green light, stop, all right all right keep up the gun, just go straight.

Jerry Miller: 29:43

Oh boy, here we go cover up park. I'm a crappy driver. Make a difference between men and women's way we watch tv, isn't it? Yeah, men watch tv much differently than women, don don't we? Getting that? Big ol' Barkerlander got our feet propped up, got popcorn on one side, beer on the other and the pseudo-cat alive, the remote control Channel changer. We rule the world. Abc, msc, cbs, pbs, abc, abc, cbs, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc.

Jay Johnson: 30:18

BBC, bbc, bbc, bbc, BBC, bbc, bbc.

Tom McTigue: 30:24

BBC, bbc, bbc, bbc, BBC, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, BBC, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, BBC, bbc, bbc, bbc, bbc, BBC, bbc, bbc. Newt, you've been great Sacramento.

Jerry Miller: 30:28

Good night, have a good time, enjoy the rest of the show.

R. Scott Edwards: 30:40

Jerry was a good feature act and one of my regulars, a really terrific guy. It was great to be able to share some of his stand-up comedy from my very first laughs in the park. But to end things for today's standup comedy show, I'm bringing you a very special treat One of the best world-class comic ventriloquist ever to work our club and actually ever to work the country Jay Johnson. You may remember that name. He was one of the stars of the early TV show soap, which was very, very funny and very popular. In fact Jay played a ventriloquist on the show and he and his ventriloquial figure, bob, went on to fame and fortune on all the TV shows. He made appearances in other sitcoms but he's probably most famous for his regular position on the TV show Soap and we had him as the closing act at this Laughs in the Park concert.

R. Scott Edwards: 31:37

What's interesting is he's a comic ventriloquist. This was such a successful event. There were thousands of people and many probably couldn't even see if he was moving his lips or not. But still, great comedy entertainment. And let me give you a little hint Early on he does a joke about the smog in Los Angeles and when he goes to cough. In his hand he had all these feathers fly out. It was very funny. You'll know exactly what I mean when you hear it. So let's hear a little standup comedy from Jay Johnson and his buddy, bob. Here we go Laughs in the park, recorded live.

R. Scott Edwards: 32:15

Please? A gentleman you'll recognize from the TV show where he played Chuck and Bob. He is appearing tonight at the 8.30 show at Lapson Lillard. If you want to see his whole set, how about a nice big round of applause, mr Jay Johnson?

Jay Johnson: 32:39

Thank you very much Thank you. They'll chant for anything, won't they that's great Welcome, glad you're here. Kind of like performing for an LA crowd Everybody's on grass, but I'm glad that nobody's here. Those people over there have a great view. Let's wave at them across the lake. How are you Get here early next time? It's much better closer.

Jay Johnson: 33:03

I do control it, but from there I could be at your burger, okay, so it's fine. Well, this is great. Well, we got a lot of people here and, uh, I am from los angeles. I didn't fly in, I've been at the last unlimited all week we'll get to you get a job. And, uh, it's kind of strange to be there in sacramento, because the air is much better here than it is in Los Angeles, and so you think that it would immediately feel better.

Jay Johnson: 33:21

but what happens is you have all that air strapped in your lungs and you don't get rid of it right away. And I find that, even though I've been in Sacramento now a couple three, days, I still get that kind of LA cough that you get when you do that. I don't know if you get it here or not. It's not on there.

Jay Johnson: 33:37

Another round of applause for one guy that didn't get thanked. It was Scott Edwards, who has done all this. Scott, big round of applause for Scott Edwards. Scott Edwards, one of the best homosexual club owners you could work for, Okay, alright, alright, alright, Just a joke. He's not the best. He's no joke. You seem like a nice bunch. Glad you're here.

Jay Johnson: 34:03

I had to fly in.

Tom McTigue: 34:04

I'm convinced that what?

Jay Johnson: 34:06

would make news now is a plane that lands with all its parts. That's all you hear anymore is airplanes that land without their parts. So I figured well, I'm going to land the one they always show too, is that Hawaiian Airlines. They landed without a roof, that's a little concerning to me the stewardess tells me right up front.

Tom McTigue: 34:21

She says you know, if the cabin pressure suddenly drops, then an oxygen mask will fall from the roof and disappear.

Jay Johnson: 34:25

normally they don't cover what happens if there is no roof.

Tom McTigue: 34:31

But they didn't retire the plane. It's now Hawaiian.

Jay Johnson: 34:33

Airlines, it's called tan before you land. No problem Going right in, because the whole thing we've had to pass some laws now because of the way the world is.

R. Scott Edwards: 34:44

So we've had to pass some anti-terrorism laws.

Jay Johnson: 34:45

But in America we don't want to pass anti-terrorism laws because we might want to offend somebody that might be a terrorist living in the United States. So you have to disguise those laws. And the government came up with a great compromise, came up with a law called non-smoking on airlines of under two hours in duration.

Jay Johnson: 34:58

You heard this law. It means you can't smoke from here to LA, theory being that no hijacker. Whose right mind would hijack an airplane when there are 20 smokers that haven't had a cigarette in two hours? It's working. It's working. A friend of mine's an actor. He lost his job so he tried to apply somewhere else and he replied right over at the Sacramento Zoo, right up here, just right over here, and they said well, we don't really have any place for actors.

Tom McTigue: 35:22

He's well do anything else.

Jay Johnson: 35:23

We just just name it I need a job, they said. Well, to be honest with you, our Grella's sick.

Tom McTigue: 35:30

So if you'll just put on this gorilla suit, since you are an actor, just get in the cage.

Jay Johnson: 35:33

I don't think anybody will know, so he said okay. We got the cage sure enough, sunday came around and there wasn't one of these things. So everybody went to the zoo and there was the monkey and everybody kind of jumped around the ape there and being an actor, he felt like he had the crowd, he was doing a performance, so he began to swing real big and he was swinging bigger and bigger and bigger, and the people are cheering and they're yelling, and suddenly he gets so full of fooling himself he falls into the cage with the lion, so everybody runs

Jay Johnson: 35:59

to the lion cage now they start betting on the lion.

Jay Johnson: 36:00

I buy books on the line. Come in monkey, I want the lion. Look at my gonna like new, it's like big, big talents are saying the monkey went so the lion starts after the monkey.

R. Scott Edwards: 36:07

They don't know what to do, so he backs up he backs up.

Jay Johnson: 36:09

Finally he's the back of the cage. There he is, can't move. He's ready to scream the Lions come at it. Finally the lion jumps on his shit chest like that, puts his claws, goes like that, and the guy goes help, and the lion says, shut up, you want to get us both fired. That's the second one I was going to say. It's not a true story. Oh, you're a nice bunch, we're going to do some ventriloquism here. Bob, what Are you in here? All right, how are you doing?

Jay Johnson: 36:38

Good Ready, don't want any pants on Get your pants on Fine this is a family show so anyway,

Jerry Miller: 36:43

Bob is not the nasty person.

Jay Johnson: 36:44

He used to be. I used to say nasty things, yell obscenities, but I think this is his kind of crowd, a crowd that wouldn't come out for anything, that's for free, and so we're glad you're here. Bob, you ready? Not yet.

R. Scott Edwards: 36:57

Okay, let's get him out here. He has been to the MediCorp clinic.

Jay Johnson: 36:59

He's much different now.

Tom McTigue: 37:00

Those habits he used to have are much different, but I think you're going to enjoy him and I know he's going to enjoy you, because I'm sure these trees will make him homesick how you doing. Okay.

Jay Johnson: 37:07

Good evening ladies and gentlemen All right, Louise, Louise.

Jay Johnson: 37:19

Yeah, you got a girl in there.

Jay Johnson: 37:20

I take it. I got a girl in there, I took her Really.

Jay Johnson: 37:23

Yes, indeed Met her here in Sacramento.

Jay Johnson: 37:25

Yeah, I was just hanging out at the river taking a drift. Let's have a good time. I see, yeah, she loves me Really.

Tom McTigue: 37:33

Yeah, she thinks I'm a stud Really.

Jay Johnson: 37:35

Yeah, I think of myself as a two-by-four. Well, I understand that. Well, well, well looks like we have a good crew tonight, doesn't it Jay? Yes, it does, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I think he was with Bob, oh, leave her alone please.

Jay Johnson: 37:50

You got a drill at home.

Jay Johnson: 37:51

Bob, bob, bob, this is a great show. Thank you See the girl over there. What Chicken glasses. Yeah, yeah, I love ladies in glasses Really.

Jay Johnson: 38:03

Yeah, why is that?

Jay Johnson: 38:04

Well, you can sneak up on a chicken glasses and go they don't see nothing.

Jay Johnson: 38:12

Bob, bob, bob. Don't you know what good clean fun is? No, what good is it?

Jay Johnson: 38:15

I don't know, I don't care, I don't care, I don't need this job. Jay, you need the job. I don't need the job. You need the job. I don't need it, really, yeah, well, help me. You could be standing on unemployment talking your hand.

Jay Johnson: 38:28

I don't mean something I mean, we got a good job. I. I hope you help me.

Jay Johnson: 38:33

No, I don't need you now. I got another job, jay another job.

Jay Johnson: 38:37

Yeah, what are you going to do, bob?

Jay Johnson: 38:38

I'm going to work at Disneyland next week.

Jay Johnson: 38:41

Disneyland. Yeah, mr Toilet Knob Going to work at Disneyland, oh yeah man, they need me.

Jay Johnson: 38:44

They got a ride there where you sit in this boat and you go in this house and little kids like me from all over the world do this. They go. It's a small little girl, it's a I see it in English.

R. Scott Edwards: 39:01

it's just not where they're at. When I run out of change clothes, I see it in Russian. Yes, yes, yes, when I run out of change clothes, I see it in Japanese.

Jay Johnson: 39:05

Oh, goodbye, you're using boozy when I run out of change clothes. I see it in Polish.

Tom McTigue: 39:11

Oh.

Jay Johnson: 39:18

Bob, do you see how big this crowd is? You understand there might be some Polish people in the audience. Yes, I understand that.

Tom McTigue: 39:24

I'll talk slow Okay, Sit down get a job, alright.

Jay Johnson: 39:34

Alright, we're going to do something now that actually no ventriloquist can consider it. Okay, come on, turn around. You want to turn around now? You're making me look like a dummy.

Jay Johnson: 39:50

It's your turn.

Jay Johnson: 39:51

Thank you, you're going to hurt yourself. Thank you, but I think I hurt myself what?

Jay Johnson: 40:13

No, that is stuff what hurt yourself die I can do this.

Jay Johnson: 40:18

I used to be a boy scout.

Jay Johnson: 40:19

No kidding Could you start a fire with these sticks Get away.

Jay Johnson: 40:22

Don't move around, okay. Okay, it's a very difficult version. Yeah, I'll just give a little twist, we'll be fine. Okay, hurry up. Okay, come on, twist it, don't worry about it, it's stuck.

Jay Johnson: 40:39

Hold it Panic. All right, hang on. I can see, Scott, it's all right, it's moving, not that way.

Jay Johnson: 40:59

Guess that kind of hurts. Huh, I try it sometimes, okay Is that a better name.

Jay Johnson: 41:04

Yeah, I got a joke. You know what you call a nun that dresses up like a guy. What A trans sister. Get a job. There's nothing, you singles. What's the difference between a pig and a fox? What Four drinks? Okay, all right. What do you between a pig and a fox? What Four drinks? Okay, alright, alright, alright. What do you call a dog with no legs? Why call it anything. It ain't gonna come, bob, it's true. Why waste your time? Alright, alright, I don't care, I'll leave this job. You don't need the job. I don't need the job. Can I ask you a question, jay? Huh, jay, yeah, jay.

Jay Johnson: 41:43

You're going to ask me a question. What is it about? Well, it's just that.

Jay Johnson: 41:46

This is an old comedy show at the park. It's called Sit Down, all right. All right, all right, wait a minute. Hey, you, you and your kids sit down. All right, come on, fuck, fuck. You and your kids sit down.

R. Scott Edwards: 42:01

Bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob Bob, to not only have him as a regular at the club but to appear at this first Laughs in the Park concert at William Land Park here in Sacramento. All right, well, we've had four terrific acts. I hope you enjoyed them. We had Jimmy Alec, tom McTeague, jerry Miller and Jay Johnson. Hey, great stand-up comedy for a great stand-up comedy audience. Thanks so much for listening. Be sure to tell your friends and share the podcast around. Thanks for listening to the show. We'll be back next week with more great stand-up comedy.

Announcer: 42:51

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